Acceptance

One searches for acceptance at every corner and turn of the foot. You wait patiently for close friends and family member to mull over this sudden revelation that this person is indeed gay or transgender. Most of us who are transgender desperately seek acceptance for our church family; and wait impatiently for some sign from heaven; which never comes. I try to wait until I think those that I am about to spill my secrets to are in a good frame of mind; and then you search their face for replies telling you that they accept who you are.

However you have changed in their eyes, you still have, and cherish the memories; both good and bad of your life with those you loved. As a parent you try to raise them as responsible, caring and accepting young adults.

A father’s daughter will always hold a special place in his heart; for he will always be her father. He loves his sons and expects them to be loving fathers in their own place some day. A father will always be ready to do anything to help his daughter, to hold her, to kiss the hurt away, to stand at her side in times of hurt. My only emptiness will come when I can’t walk her down the aisle on her wedding day as her ‘father’. But I’ll be at her side in spirit when the times comes.

The relationship with my daughter was froth with angst, and anger because she didn’t know how to respond to my secret she knew all to well. Thankfully she would visit and talk to me when she was home from college, but it was very difficult for her to accept me as Sarah, and I was ok with that.

Some say that after a breakup of the family one should write letters describing how you feel; well I did give her my ‘letter’ at the last time she and her boyfriend spend an afternoon together with us, getting to know each other a little better. It was indeed time well spent for Kay and I to meet with my daughter and Jason to just be with them.

So, this week I received a wonderful card for ‘Father’s Day’ from my darling daughter. I couldn’t have been more pleased to read there little note inside to me in response to that Christmas letter. I had an emotional meltdown when I read her words of remembrance and acceptance.

“…..Sometimes, however, I need to remember who you were. If nothing else, I need you to understand that. I have such great memories of me and you that I don’t ever want to lose. You will always be my father, the man from years ago as well as the person you are discovering now. So please don’t every forget that. It is as much a part of you and you are of me. So Happy Father’s Day—to all the old memories and to ones yet made. I love you.”

I couldn’t have expected such an emotional letter; but am truly blown away by her words. I will continue to pray that my sons will come to accept me into their lives again.