School deal with trans student

If you're not familiar with Kim Pearson, she's the mother of a 2nd grader in Douglas County Schools who is transgender and returning to school as a girl. More recently she and her child were at the center of huge radio scandal on The Rob, Arnie, & Dawn in the Morning show on KRXQ radio in Sacramento were they were the center of bigoted attacks of the show's hosts. Subsequently this lead to online boycotts, on both sides of the argument (misnomer) that lead to many hateful, horrific opinions on the subject. There might be a Santa clause, but... Yes, Kim... There really is bigotry in America... and sadly so.

Independence Day!

Yesterday, July 4, a day of celebration of change, of separation; for me it was a celebration of my rebirth. Just a few day before, I finally got a new driver license declaring that I am “Female” to the Officials of Georgia. I have shown my license to some close friends in my excitement and joy; just so that someone will actually see the thing. It’s like I am almost excited and wanting to be stopped by the police just so that I can show them this new license; but no I am not that stupid to break the law on purpose, but it’s waiting there in my wallet.

What did I do to celebrate this new person? Kay and I spent the day at Vilano Beach, Florida; it’s a small beach with a community of part time residents but the beach was crowded yesterday with a small group of friends. Lots of people, lots of children every where, playing, eating, just having a good time; a very nice beach to visit. There were 6 adults and four children and lots of good waves and sand. I had bought a new bathing suit to replace the old one piece I used with my breast forms; it was functional but needed replacing. I did buy a two piece but a tankini; some women looked worse than I with their two piece bikini. You know, I don’t seem to remember having my other one piece bathing suit fill with sand and the small shells that filled my new two piece bathing suit. That stuff stuck like they were small suction cups everywhere, top and bottom. Late in the afternoon I was stooping down in the shallow part of the beach and was knocked over by a big wave; with the undertow getting pretty strong, I had a difficult time getting back on my feet. Several more large waves rolled me over two more times and by the time I could get my balance and stand up, I felt at the mercy of the waves. As a result, my bathing suit filled with sand and gunk. Everyone seemed to accept me as a just another woman on the beach with friends and I didn’t raise any suspicions. The feminizing surgery that I had must have been enough; but I did readjust myself several times during the day while I was in the water, just to be sure.

It is a shift in one’s thinking and at what point does one just says they are a woman and not speak about one’s past. With my surgery happening last November, it really didn’t sink into my brain until I was able to change my driver’s license. So happy Independence Day!!

A Trans Woman works the System

As I explained in a previous post about the hassle I got when I tried to change my driver's license was a different story this time around. I had called a lawyer from Lambda Legal and we decided on using the same original letter except we would insert the word 'surgical' and went down yesterday morning to try again. The same supervisor still gave us a hassle because she was interpreting one of the statements to say that more surgery would be needed. Regardless that in the first sentence my doctor verified that I the surgery which satisfied the state of Georgia's requirements. She looked at my new letter and said that she had to ask her supervisor if the letter was sufficient and met the requirements for Georgia. You could tell she copped an attitude real quick because I came back to her window and was in her face again about this gender change, so Kay and I said that was fine and returned to the lobby to wait. We had discussed taking a video camera with us to document the events as they unfolded, but after watching her face and body language, I was afraid that having the camera would have really pissed her off and she would have thrown us out.

Anyway after about 10 minutes she called us back to one of the windows and you could tell immediately that her attitude had been really changed. She was calm and so nice... someone must have readjusted her big girl panties for her. Her demeanor and attitude really changed and she filled out all the paperwork with me. My emotions were like a wild pendulum swinging to anger and my heart pounding back to 'all right I kicked her butt'; my emotions were so wild I had a hard time keeping my hand calm enough to sign my name. Then she calmly ask me to step over to the camera and let me know that I would have to pay another fee for my new license with the long awaited 'letter F' as the gender. Since it was almost lunch time there wasn't very many people in the waiting room with us. So it's 'hou--wa, take that people'.

As we left the parking lot of the DMV I was very aware that the music playing on the radio just happen to be the final movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony; couldn't have asked for a more joyous, majestic or emotionally charged music to celebrate my victory over the people who place themselves as gatekeepers over the populace.

Ya gotta work the system girls. One must have patience and fortitude, play their games and keep pushing for change, even if it is small and one person at at time. Lets hope that she is more helpful with other trans women. Everyone remember the boy in the story about the Big Friendly Giant.......one shovel load at a time will move mountains.

Q. Does anyone know of a program that will upload videos quicker, or do we just watch the little circle spin...forever?

Shunned? Who is the Real Loser

There is a Sociology Professor at the local University who makes documentaries about people he feels can offer a different viewpoint. He has been taping conversations with the both of us about my transition, how I might feel about losing, say male privileges or the fact that I developed breast cancer and how that has affected my efforts in becoming a woman. I gave him a list of people I thought would be great to talk to and have their thought recorded, but alas, most of those I cited have declined to be interviewed. All of my family members and my one sister, who lives in the same town, have refused to talk to the Professor on record. It is not news to me as I have seen a change in the one sister’s attitude towards Kay and me. I do not really know about how my others sisters feel about me since my nephew’s wedding when I saw two other sisters. Oh Kay and I talked a few minutes to my youngest sister, but no other greeting except ‘hello’ from the third sister. And my oldest sister freaked out when I sent a renewed birth announcement card; she was worried as to how she would explain this situation on her National Security Clearance Documents! And my brother, he was Ok with everything, even sending flowers when I had my breast cancer surgery. But he lost it when I told him that Kay and I were married; that I was now a lesbian, if you will. I get occasional emails of what his large family is doing and about his vacation cruises.

I expected that some family members would choose to avoid me after my transition, but I feel that some have decided not to maintain contact with me in order to avoid alienating other members of the family; well that is the reason my sister gave the video maker. My sister that lives in town has taken it upon herself to take care of our mother, which she can very easily do, because she lives just across the street. I am beginning to notice that she avoid any further contact with me since her son’s wedding and has taken control by monitoring mother’s outside contacts, especially Kay and me; although Mother seems to like our company.

I must say that there is so much more to my life now that I am living out in the open and do not have to hide my secrets behind walls; there was not much to my life when I was in my first marriage as all of our casual contacts were her friends or relatives. But as they say you really know who your friends are when you do something like getting divorced or say transition! When it came time to transition I thought I would move to a different town to get a fresh start; I now know that that would have been equivalent to social suicide for me and might have ended in a bad way. I chose to stay in the same town; one, for lack of money, and two, because I was deeply connected to my church, the college and the local choral society. And three, I found a soul connection within Kay and fell in love with her; so I couldn’t really leave, now could I.

Being shunned by one’s family is very sad, but choosing to withdraw from all contact with your parent or brother, now Sister, is even more sad because it shows me that you do not want to be inclusive or embrace those of us who has shown a courageous level personal peace.

LGBT & White House

"A Mother's Love"

Every Mother/parent who see their child as being odd or different, because they play with object that are intended for another sex should read Kim Pearson's article "A Mother's Love" An Interview With Kim Pearson, Executive Director Trans Youth Family Allies, Inc., by Jim Koury in "Diversity Rules". What a great example of loving one's child, regardless.

As our PFLAG membership and attendance has grown, we have had several young people come to the meetings who have identified as trans; it is hardest on the parents who are trying to make sense of what their child is going through. One of PFLAG's purpose's is to educate the public and advocate for understanding of the issues lgbt children, youth, adults must negotiate in their struggle to survive and just live the live's they see for themselves.

Which Rules to Follow

This past week Kay went with me to a doctors appointment in Atlanta, the reason for the appointment was to secure a letter stating that I had my completed gender reassignment operations and was living as a female, just as the Georgia's Rules and Regulations of the Department of Drivers License stated. In fact, we called Lambda Legal to get the correct wording for the letter; we had to wait until the next day so that the nurse could verify the wording for the letter. Since we were in Atlanta we took time to visit the Fernbank Museum, where they have a great exhibit on dinosaurs and other timely exhibits.
The next day we picked up the letter and spent a few hours at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta and saw some of Monet's Water Lilies painting, quite exquisite and wonderful. We had lunch at Mary Mac's Tea Room, a wonderful Atlanta landmark, that has had quite a few visitors of the rich and famous; wonderful homemade cooking. The Tea Room is on Ponce de Leon Ave, you need to stop in whenever you get the chance. That was Kay's request as she has wanted to eat there for a long time.
I took my letter to the DDS the next day to change the gender on my drivers license and was immediatly questioned about what kind of surgery I had had and who did what. Then she shows me a page from her manuel of Law, Rules and Regulations for Transsexual Applicants and what wording should be in the letter, tell me that the wording is wrong in my letter because it did have the word 'surgical' and that they would not change my drivers license. I try to explain that my doctor use the text dictated by my lawyer from Lambda Legal but she refused to listen and check other resources.
I send lambda legal copies of the doctor's letter and the copy of the page from the manuel the supervisor used to deny my request and we called the doctor to get an ammended letter. So we will see what happens when I submit my new letter. Stay tuned folks.