Monday, October 31, 2011

Family Group and Dynamics and Ex-Wives.

One can’t explain the reasons some thing’s in one’s life happen, we can only articulate the how. I had heard that my brother and his wife would be coming to town for his high school reunion, but as of last Friday I had not heard anything from him. Kay and I had taken a friend to the movies and we met some other friends afterward and so we all went to have pizza together and we had a great time. Saturday morning, Kay and I drove down to Tallahassee to attend a friends wedding.

We have known Margeaux since 03 when I started my transition and had begun to meet regularly with a lgbt group in Tallahassee, it was at the time I needed support the most; so we have stayed friends since. The original group quit meeting as everyone went their own way, and by that time I was well on my way to living as Sarah. Then about two years ago we attended the Pride Festival in Tallahassee and we met up again with Margeaux; she had formed a trans group that met once a month. As it meets during the week, we could only attend occasionally and so when we received the invitation to her wedding, we were thrilled to be included.

Her wedding was at 11 am that Saturday morning and we stayed until they cut their cake. It was so wonderful to reconnect with so many friends we had made in that community that it really felt like a homecoming of one’s extended family. Even saw friends from the first group of so many years ago. To see the joy on the faces of the brides as they looked into each other eye’s with profound happiness and joy was worth the drive. We even met Margeaux’s daughter who stood on her side during the wedding ceremony.

Later that afternoon while we were shopping, I received a call from my ex-wife, of all people, and since I didn’t find my phone in my pocketbook quick enough, I missed her call. I listen to the message she left, which seemed a little frantic, and so I called her back. She was with the rest of my family having taken my mother to lunch and wanted to know if I knew my brother Bill was in town. I told her no, he had not called or sent an e-mail to let me know his plans; so she said; “Do you want to talk to him?”, I said yes, so she gives her phone to my brother. I think he was surprised when he realized that he was talking to me and didn’t or hadn’t thought of calling me first. Well, because of our evening plans and the fact that we were not in town at the moment, we arranged to get together at the airport before their plane left on Sunday afternoon.

We were not sure just how our meeting was going to go that afternoon, so we had agreed that if the discussion became heated and aggressive we would just walk away. And so we were a little anxious as we walked through the double doors to the waiting room at the airport. I saw my brother, Bill first, and could see that he was watching a sports program on TV with his brother-in-law; Bobbie, his wife, and her sister were sitting across the small room just talking together when Kay and I walked in. Bill was the first to greet me and hugged me, but Bobbie gave me a big hug and was a little surprised at the way I looked (I had brushed my hair and put a dab of perfume and lipstick on for the occasion). After I introduced Kay to everyone, we sat together in a row of seats, so Bill sat between Kay and I, as I sat next to Bobbie. Bill was turned talking to Kay, so I turned and began talking to Bobbie and her sister about grandchildren and how her family was doing and how they had a good chat with my daughter and son. It was a pleasant afternoon, catching up on everyone’s lives. But all too soon they were called to board their return flight to Nebraska. So we parted after some very warm and sincere hugs and thank you’s and let them say their goodbye’s to their family.

I would never in a hundred years believe that my relationship with my ex, my daughter, my sister and my brother was because they were urged by my ex-wife to open up to me, but it has happened. Kay and I pray that relationships with family will get better, but we never exactly know the scope or depth prayers can reach.

I really don’t think Bill would have ever talked to me this weekend if my ex had not shoved her phone into his face Saturday afternoon, and I am telling everyone that I am truly grateful for all that she had done for the families. But I now believe that because Bobbie has gotten to know me in those few minutes she might become a great ally not only for me but for others and her friends.

Peace and Love Everyone!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Affirming Spirituality

The Episcopal Church has a great tradition of receiving, welcoming and recognizing new converts the this Body of Christ. I know because I have been a part of this Church for a long time; I am not a cradle Episcopalian, but I believe that I have been a strong and active member since I joined in '94. But my life has taken a drastic new direction and the person who joined so many years ago is now legally known as Sarah. Unfortunately, I was told that Sarah was not recognized by my church, but I am writing on a new page now that I have been officially recognized and Acknowledged to be Sarah.

Two Sunday's ago was the Church's recognition of Sarah, which has taken over a year to come to fruition. With our new Bishop's previous visit, I had asked our Vicar to get his approval to Re-Affirmed me as Sarah. And as talks go, there was a breakdown in communication and my Re-Affirmation didn't happen for me that year. So fast forward to Sunday and the return visit with the current Bishop.

After 4 weeks of receiving our Vicar's own teaching instruction's for new Communicants I was Re-Affirmed as Sarah in the Episcopal Church. Her class was more like a Bible Study and Bible Passages to be memorized, than discussing the differences which make the Episcopal Church so welcoming and accepting, which should have been the first discussions.

To be recognized as Sarah by my church is something that I needed to do since I transitioned and let go of the 'Old Person of John'. Ever since I transition, I have felt the great need for my church to recognize and affirm this Sarah person as a member of the Church since 'John' didn't exist anymore.

If there is a lesson to be learned, it is that Communicants who transition should be more proactive in seeking the acknowledgement by Church's and from their Church leaders. Also Priest's and Vicar's should know their flock and ask when those who transition are ready for re-affirmation. We all need to be recognized as the person we are or have become by our church.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Celebrating Community Inclusive of All

Kay and I celebrated the 10 Anniversary of Integrity Georgia at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Savannah, Georgia this past weekend. We were able to meet and engage in delightful conversation with Harry Crew, the Founder of Integrity and Earnest, his husband of many years. Please take time to watch it on the internet.
Integrity Georgia Celebrates 10th Anniversary

If you missed the Tenth Anniversary Celebration, you can watch it on ustream.
I was the first reader and both Kay and I took the gifts to the alter. As one of 2 trans women at the service, it was a great honor to be included in the service, and be as visible as I was.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Integrity Broadcast

For those interested, the 10 Anniversary for Integrity Georgia which happen today at 1130 Eastern time at St. Paul's Episcopal Church here is the internet link for the live simulcast.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Guest for the Week, and Loving it!!!

For the past 5 days we have been watching our Granddaughter, Miss Trinity, a bundle of smiles and mischief; but we love her. It takes the both of us to make sure she stays out of trouble, but when she throws her little 'fit's' all we have to do is put her in a corner until she straightens up. It doesn't take much, but it works.

Don't let that smile and twinkling eyes fool you for one minute, but she can steal your heart. We wouldn't take anything for the joy she has given us these few days. It takes the 2 of us to keep up with her, she doesn't walk anywhere; she runs; constantly. Her energy equals anything we can both muster. But her smiles and hugs that she gives freely is more precious than anything we could find.

We have watched her off and on since she was 5 months so we weren't surprised when she settled is and was all smiles as her parents and brothers got in the car and drove off. She is comfortable with us watching her, which makes the time so much easier to deal with.

We have 3 dogs and Molly, the one with the black patch on her eye is her favorite. Molly loves attention and Trinity is quite willing to oblige. She can do almost anything to her, pull her ears, grab her around the head, pull her tail and use her for a pillow; Molly doesn't mind.

We have Survived and Loving the Time

For the past 5 days we were given the opportunity, (chance) to watch our granddaughter. It was better that there are the 2 of us cause she can run our old legs off. Miss Trinity is 18 months and is a little spitfire of personality, giving us lots of things to smile about and keeping us very busy. Don't let those playful eyes and smiles fool you, cause there is mischief in there somewhere.

This if the first time we have been able to what her 24/7 and it has been very tiring for the both of us but we wouldn't swap these past few day for anything. She doesn't walk anywhere, she runs! And 'talks' up a storm, we might not understand what she is staying but we know she is emphatic in the telling. We have learned to hear her repeat phrases, more than once to try and get her point across. This quick snapshot was after church but before we changed her and put her down for a nap.

She is really a very good child for 19 months, oh we might have an occasional 'fit' but we have learned that she knows we will put her in the corner to 'cool off' and when she is ready, she can go play again. We have 3 dogs and she LOVEs her Molly, (she is the one with the black patch on her eye). Molly loves attention and Trinity is quite oblidge

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Appearance Changes

In this posting, I am talking about redefining the name of this blog as its purpose seems to be more on moral and political issues that are redefining my need to blog from a different path! I have obviously exited the tunnel and am walking in full sunlight of existence as a woman married to a wonderful wife and partner.

As we crank up our activism by our strong association with PFLAG and Integrity Episcopal Church. And are trying to be more involved in political issues which affect us as members of the lgbt community and as a married couple. Our emphasis is beyond the "Trials of Transition", so to speak. I think it's time to move forward to the next chapter of our wonderful lives. Since that's were we are now.

In looking at the tempo and thoughts of blog comments of the past few months, I am out; I am involved, I am trying to make a difference for others. We are on the other side of our couple transition, the other side of the rainbow, the others side of the rock slide. Our path and duties to the lgbt community are ahead of us ever trudging forward and upwards. Come with us as we explore new horizons and seek new frontiers of lgbtisms.

Do I have suggestions, or should I ask? And what do you think?

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Cosmic Changes

Earlier this year we bought some plants, like the Star Jasmine and the Night Blooming Jasmine. Well last week I noticed some new growth on the night plant and last night as I put the dogs out, I got a whiff of the Jasmine. Wow, the fragrance is quite overpowering, intense and wonderful. When you get close to the plant you are surrounded by this gorgeous, fragrance that would overpower the perfume you can buy at the counter.

Our Chapter of PFLAG is beginning to step up and try to be involved with the community, at our last meeting we showed the movie 'Bullied' and had a University Music Professor show up and a Truancy Officer with her partner in attendance. She had some great information for a student who faces his own daily bullies. I think we need to show it again in the community.

My ex wife had asked us to make her a baby blanket for a niece's new arrival and she came over yesterday to pick it up. We had a nice discussion about how family is doing and it was all pleasant. She had talked with my sister who is taking care of our mother almost full time, my sister asked my ex to ask me if we could watch mother one day a week so they could do yoga. I was floored to say the least. I will say it again, when you pray for things to happen you can be specific cause you just never know how far your prayers can go or take you.