Monday, October 31, 2011

Family Group and Dynamics and Ex-Wives.

One can’t explain the reasons some thing’s in one’s life happen, we can only articulate the how. I had heard that my brother and his wife would be coming to town for his high school reunion, but as of last Friday I had not heard anything from him. Kay and I had taken a friend to the movies and we met some other friends afterward and so we all went to have pizza together and we had a great time. Saturday morning, Kay and I drove down to Tallahassee to attend a friends wedding.

We have known Margeaux since 03 when I started my transition and had begun to meet regularly with a lgbt group in Tallahassee, it was at the time I needed support the most; so we have stayed friends since. The original group quit meeting as everyone went their own way, and by that time I was well on my way to living as Sarah. Then about two years ago we attended the Pride Festival in Tallahassee and we met up again with Margeaux; she had formed a trans group that met once a month. As it meets during the week, we could only attend occasionally and so when we received the invitation to her wedding, we were thrilled to be included.

Her wedding was at 11 am that Saturday morning and we stayed until they cut their cake. It was so wonderful to reconnect with so many friends we had made in that community that it really felt like a homecoming of one’s extended family. Even saw friends from the first group of so many years ago. To see the joy on the faces of the brides as they looked into each other eye’s with profound happiness and joy was worth the drive. We even met Margeaux’s daughter who stood on her side during the wedding ceremony.

Later that afternoon while we were shopping, I received a call from my ex-wife, of all people, and since I didn’t find my phone in my pocketbook quick enough, I missed her call. I listen to the message she left, which seemed a little frantic, and so I called her back. She was with the rest of my family having taken my mother to lunch and wanted to know if I knew my brother Bill was in town. I told her no, he had not called or sent an e-mail to let me know his plans; so she said; “Do you want to talk to him?”, I said yes, so she gives her phone to my brother. I think he was surprised when he realized that he was talking to me and didn’t or hadn’t thought of calling me first. Well, because of our evening plans and the fact that we were not in town at the moment, we arranged to get together at the airport before their plane left on Sunday afternoon.

We were not sure just how our meeting was going to go that afternoon, so we had agreed that if the discussion became heated and aggressive we would just walk away. And so we were a little anxious as we walked through the double doors to the waiting room at the airport. I saw my brother, Bill first, and could see that he was watching a sports program on TV with his brother-in-law; Bobbie, his wife, and her sister were sitting across the small room just talking together when Kay and I walked in. Bill was the first to greet me and hugged me, but Bobbie gave me a big hug and was a little surprised at the way I looked (I had brushed my hair and put a dab of perfume and lipstick on for the occasion). After I introduced Kay to everyone, we sat together in a row of seats, so Bill sat between Kay and I, as I sat next to Bobbie. Bill was turned talking to Kay, so I turned and began talking to Bobbie and her sister about grandchildren and how her family was doing and how they had a good chat with my daughter and son. It was a pleasant afternoon, catching up on everyone’s lives. But all too soon they were called to board their return flight to Nebraska. So we parted after some very warm and sincere hugs and thank you’s and let them say their goodbye’s to their family.

I would never in a hundred years believe that my relationship with my ex, my daughter, my sister and my brother was because they were urged by my ex-wife to open up to me, but it has happened. Kay and I pray that relationships with family will get better, but we never exactly know the scope or depth prayers can reach.

I really don’t think Bill would have ever talked to me this weekend if my ex had not shoved her phone into his face Saturday afternoon, and I am telling everyone that I am truly grateful for all that she had done for the families. But I now believe that because Bobbie has gotten to know me in those few minutes she might become a great ally not only for me but for others and her friends.

Peace and Love Everyone!

1 comment:

Caroline said...

Life is full of surprises and we should never give up hope.