Friday, December 31, 2010

Families chooses us

So how do I explain my Christmas and my family doings. As I have explained my mother happened to get sick and was hospitalized. I was told 2 days later and found her sitting up in her chair, having pulled her IV out for the 4th time. Not a good way to see my mother. I as my sister to let me know when she is released from the hospital when I leave. We are waiting for her test results from the cancer markers and as to when she will have the mass drained. And after a few days of thinking things over i can’t let it go by without making some comments.

When I try to visit my mother at the hospital, the staff tells me that she has been released and sent home; my sister has not called to tell me, we go visit her at home. My sister explodes and say that I need to call first to visit with other, no explanations or reason, just that I should call before I visit. The next week we go visit mother and she stops me from saying hello to my mother, almost throws me out, no explanations, no reasons. I ask her why, ask her what is her problem with me. She yells that I kept mother out late and didn’t tell my sister where I was. I ask her when this happened, 1, 2 or 3 years ago; she retorts that I never come by and visit. Now she really doesn’t know how many times Kay and I have visited with my mother; it’s just that she really doesn’t remember who came. I call my sister a ‘bitch’ she retorts she has taught school and has heard worse, I loudly call her a ‘f**king bitch’ several times, she threatens to call police because this is her house, she has guardianship over mother I ask to see the court papers. It gets ugly, mother is in her room, the hospice nurse is sitting at the table and hears all of this. Kay begs me to just leave and I do.

Later I get an email from my brother telling me he is in town, and he's sorry he hasn’t called to let me know. He tells me that mother has just gotten home from having the procedure to drain the mass, no one tells me she is in the hospital, no one calls to tell me they are visiting. After several very informative email from my brother we arrange to visit with my mother again on Monday, after we have delayed our trip 21 day. We have a good visit with my mother, my brother, nephew and evil sister. My brother shows me some pictures of when mother was having her procedure and I see another sister had been visiting that I never knew about. At least I learn that the test didn't suggest cancer. Some family, won’t even call their other sibling who lives in the same town as our mother to let me know they are visiting. I later discover that my oldest sister and her husband have been through town, no call. I also learn that my brother is picking up my youngest sister on Monday afternoon and she will be staying for a week. No call from her.

Now everyone of my siblings have my email, they might not have my phone number; but they have my email..... not one word that they will be in town. I know how everyone feels or thinks about me, or they can’t find the courage to ask, so sad, and to think they all believe themselves to be christians.

We have not been very close and they have had ‘family’ gatherings since I transitioned but come on; how can you live with yourselves. Sometimes our closest families are the ones that chooses us, and those are the families we make memories with. Oh and this is to my brother, I saw you post pictures of my sister and of other visitors with your emails, but after Kay and I visited why did you choose not to show our pictures?

When the family gathers for mother’s funeral, should be very interesting indeed,

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Kay and Sarah's Dec Trip

Kay and Sarah’s Wanderings, Dec 2010

Monday 27th

Had a great visit with my mother, brother Bill and nephew, Izra, and dropped off a bag of goodies for mother, chocolates and other eats. We visited with everyone, as my mother has been ill and seems to be eating and drinking less than she should. We will continued to visit with her after we get back from New Orleans.

We drove on to Montgomery Al and spent the first night on Gunter Air Field in Montgomery, I believe it was an old Army Air Field during the 40’s and 50’d. The room was cheap and very nice, with a small kitchen, queen size bed and bath, room was rather hot and we turned in earlier than we normally do.

Tuesday 28th

We woke up and before we left the air base we visited the Enlisted Memorials as C-47 on display that they had reconfigured and restored as a plane that was important during the Vietnam War. This was a memorial to the plane known as “ Puff, the Magic Dragon” and was renamed “Spooky”, with 3 miniguns that fired 7.62 rounds at 9,000 to 18,000 per minute. It was flown for defensive support for First Air-Cav Division.

We drove West to Selma on US 80 which is known as the Historic Route that Dr. King and the other marchers took on “Bloody Sunday” and later to Montgomery. Kay and I stopped t seed the National Voting Rights Museum and Institute, which displays and chronicles the march in pictures. An older gentleman stopped and chatted with us, telling us that he was in Selma when the march happened and was involved in the events leading up to that Sunday. He was 11 years old and left school early to meet the other picketers at the Church, get their sign and walk in front of the Court House in Selma to protest.

He said “they knew that what we were doing was important, that segregation was wrong, separate schools, bathrooms, lunch counters, water fountain, movie theaters. We were marching for our rights, as young children they knew their rights. They were arrested at 11 am one morning and were loaded into school busses and taken to jail. The Boys were separated from the Girls and were stuffed into several separate cells. They knew a lot of the other young boys and spent most of the time talking. They stayed in the jail cells until the next day when their parents were allowed to sign them out, around 2 pm. The sheriff had a tub of water with a ladle in the jail cell for them all to drink from.”

After our tour of the museum, we had lunch at the Downtowner Restaurant, good home cooking, great cornbread.

Maybe it’s just coincidence but our drive took us through “Lowndes Co” Alabama, and “Lowndes Co.” Mississippi. We had planned to drive thru to Oxford Miss, but because light was fading and time was running out we ended the day in Tupelo, Miss,. We will continue with the telling of the journey tomorrow.

Note, this was the site of the original museum which moved to the other side of the bridge

Friday, December 24, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Finishing the Old year

As usual I have started several posting, but have been interrupted each time and have deleted them as there have been a lot of agitation and wonderful exciting things happening before I could finish them.

First, I am finishing my five year program of tamoxifen which I took for my breast cancer this month. I realize just how lucky I have been because I did not have to have chemo or radiation therapy; and all of my reports have been clear. My urology tests are good and we are going to 1 visit a year. Having been doing the Weight Watchers program, I have lost about 27 pounds and have dropped to a size 16; which is about where I will stay, as I am a large girl, broad shoulders and bum. But there is one dress that I have kept and is rather form fitting and make me look slim indeed. The good thing is that Kay has also lost a lot of weight and can now wear the clothes that don’t fit me any more, if the look good on her. We do have similar tastes in clothes, but not shoes, and that’s another story.

We were actually at an Integrity meeting, which is the glbt group of the Episcopal Church, on Saturday when we heard that DADT was repealed and there was a moment of respect followed by loud celebrations. We had arranged for Abby Drew to speak to us as to how to deal with Bulling, Abby is the founder of the Ben Marion Institute for Social Justice, Inc. which she named in honor of her parents at . Her life is an example of how Social Justice can be implemented with quiet presence. The Integrity group is dedicated in promoting acceptance and changes of attitudes for the glbt communities within the Diocese of Georgia and its many congregations.

My mother was hospitalized a few weeks ago and as my sister is the one who has taken on the role of her caretaker as she lives across the street. When I was told that she was in the hospital Kay and I didn’t get the whole story, only that she had lost considerable weight and the doctors had found a 10 cm mass in her abdominal cavity. After leaving in the middle of rehearsal for the Choral Guild’s concert the next day as an emotional mess we arrived at the hospital room to find her sitting in a chair talking and eating. Actually she had pulled out her IV for the 4th time and my sister had not seen her do it. Some of the family will be coming home for Christmas to visit with mother, but that is all I will say about that.

My daughter will spend some time with us on Christmas Day, as she will celebrate with the family on Christmas Eve. So we are excited to spend more time with her and Jason.

Just wishing everyone a Happy Holidays and a Wonderful Christmas.

On another note, Kay and I got up the other night and watched some of the Lunar Eclipse, but only until the moon was covered by the Earth's shadow and Umbra. I took the photo with my Nikon CoolPix P80, they are not a crisp as I would like but you get the idea of the look of the Eclipse.

Kay and Sarah

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Our Thanksgiving Day with my Daughter

Every year we spend Thanksgiving with Kay's family, and since she is an only child most of her parents family has passed on. There are a few who I have come to adore and make it a point to chat with every Thanksgiving. This year the gathering seems to have gotten smaller as children are married and are spending the day with other and new relatives and families. For the past several years we have had our Thanksgiving Dinner at a church hall, but this year we returned to the family home; always lots of food is cooked and expected to be carted away by guests. Enough food for three times the number of people who come.

This year since my daughter was living in town, we invited her to meet Kay's family and eat Thanksgiving Dinner with them. Kay's family lives outside of Nichols, Ga, which is about an hour and a half away and one of those small towns that you could miss if you blinked or yawned. We were told that dinner was going to be served at 12:30 and we were right on time, but as it happens with families, we didn't eat for another hour. As we waited for the family to gather and wander in, they got a chance to meet and chat with my daughter and Kay's step-daughter, Julie. Everyone seemed to like Julie and the son of the host told her that if she was here she is family, which made Julie's day.

She seemed to brighten the room, chatting with everyone and fitting in with the family. Everyone expressed that they enjoyed meeting Julie; and Kay was surprised when one of her relatives made a point to tell Julie how pretty she was, as Kay says that she hardly ever compliments anyone. We don't know what she was expecting Julie to look like as the family knows that I am trans. Julie seem so relaxed and really enjoyed the Thanksgiving Dinner that someone else cooked.

Since Kay's relatives lives in the country, they have quite a lot of goats and some mules that have a large area to roam around in. Julie said that watching the goats brought back many memories of the time that she herded a rather large number of goats for someone for a year. She had a truck with a camper and two shepherd dogs to run the herd. Being able to spend the afternoon with Kay's family really made her day, as she had to eat again with her mother and brothers later that evening.

I am so glad that she was able to see how people react to me in a family gathering, that they know my story and have accepted me as a member Kay's family. I only hope that she can convey that to her brothers. Her one hope is that one day her mother and brothers will sit down to a holiday meal with Kay and I. Miracles can happen, we already know they can when it does for some of us.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

I snagged this video from Melissa Meanderings who got it from someone else as she posted it on Friday. Tomorrow I will sing the Messiah with a Community Festival Chorus.

Telling Secrets: Time for Civil Disobedience?

Telling Secrets: Time for Civil Disobedience?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Concert Done

Saturday night we sang Mozart's Great Mass in "C", 160 voices strong divided into two choirs antiphonally, all the comments were about the great 'sound' of all those voices. College choir, community choir, one high school choir, and one trans woman singing tenor. God!, it was overwhelming the feeling of being among so many voices singing as one.

My daughter was able to join Kay and hear the concert as well, she is one who loves the arts in all it varieties, Opera, Orchestras, Ballets. I could tell by the big smile on her face that she really enjoyed the performance and we had a great discussion as we ate a late night snack together.

As we were making small talk of her life growing up, she made a comment that made me stop. I know I have arrived in my place as Sarah, as she told me that as she was looking at me on stage that I was very pretty, I almost cried. My daughter sees me as 'pretty', of course I was dressed up for the occasion and all, but, I am pretty.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Mozart Rehearsal

As I said, last night's rehearsal was the first time for orchestra and combined chorus. The University and Community choirs joined with the Colquit High School Choir as an inspiring opportunity to sing a large choral masterpiece. The first rehearsal was almost overwhelming even for me as an experienced singer, one could easily become too immersed in the movements with 8 voice lines with orchestra. I have had the opportunity to sing a number of major works around the world, but last night could very well be the ultimate performance for me.

In talking with some of the High School choir members, I learned during the break that they had been working on the piece for the whole school year and they know their parts very well. While we, of the community chorus, have only had rehearsals one night a week for 9 weeks. I am so excited to be able to participate in singing the Mozart's Mass in "C".

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

tg day of remembrance 2010

tg day of remembrance 2010

I myself will be on a stage performing Mozart's Mass in C, begins at 8 pm Whitehead Auditorium, Valdosta State University, Valdosta, Georgia. The massed choir will be 174 singers with expanded orchestra. Even though we did not make any other plans to commemorate this day of remembrance. Singing one of the worlds greatest form of music, while I think and remember those whose lives have been taken because they were not understood is one of the most highest honors I can give, freely given in song with 173 other singers.

Is the Gospel Lesson relevant in our time.

"But before all this occurs, they will arrest you and persecute you; they will hand you over to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors because of my name. This will give you an opportunity to testify. So make up your minds not to prepare your defense in advance; for I will give you words and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to withstand or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, by relatives and friends; and they will put some of you to death. You will be hated by all because of my name. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your souls."--Luke 21: 9-19

Is the Lessons written in the New Testament relevant and applicable for our time? As I was listening intently to these passages spoken as our Gospel Lesson, I could only come to one obvious conclusion as to how these words could be taken as an announcement of what our lbgt family has to endure. I was expecting the sermon to delving into it broad meaning and it was with great expectation to hear our Vicar’s thoughts about how groups of people are being arrested and persecuted for anyone living the ‘gay’ lifestyle. For being murdered and abused by those who choose to not understand and try to dictate their strict lifestyle upon all who are different.

I am still waiting for some insightfully inspired message that I could have used for the week to reflect and strengthen my resolve to stand up to the bullies and abusers. I keep waiting to hear a message inspired by love and compassion, a message that will cause our members to step forward and raise the banner to find Christ in others soul, not to bring our Christ to them. The Christ we know and believe in might be a differently conceived person of love, of charity, of hope of compassion, and that’s ok; as long we we can find similar “Christlike” traits in each of your conceptions of our Christ.

It doesn't matter if one is gay or straight or an agnostic, we must remain resolved to stand and face those who persecutes up and put our trust in our 'God' that he will indeed give us words and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to withstand or contradict.

Each persons religious belief system must be respected and given a chance to grow in his own way, on his own place of worship or place where they find peace.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Veteran Day Rememberance

A good General would rather talk than go to war and fight. A big thanks to Melissa for sharing this video.

Finding answers for "Why" we transition

"Is it really all that mysterious why someone would not want to live like that any longer? Gender transition leads to gender congruence which in turn makes the pain of gender dysphoria go away. That’s why we do it. All the rest – the hormones, the clothes, the awkward second puberty – is just detail. Non-trans people will never understand the basic “why” by focusing upon that stuff."

This is lifted from and her struggle to answer the "Why" questions that people struggle to understand. Last week, Kay and I talked with two college classes which were introductory freshman level course. There were good questions with lots of interaction, some seemed to be glassy-eyed and one slept through half of the class; until I yelled "BOO" which caused him to awaken somewhat. The professor cautioned the class about asking questions that they would not answer themselves, which kept them focused on how we are perceived by others in the community.

There were lots of "Why" questions and, "Does the male person you once were still there?" I believe that what connections we were able to establish with the class member will go a long way toward more acceptance of trans-people. We have been speaking with classes for 4 years and people know us around campus and in the community.

During conversations with my daughter who has come back into my live, she has told us that a lot of her friend knew about my dressing and know about my relationship with Kay. A lot are accepting, some would want to sit down with us and ask their questions about "Why?", and a small number of other people she knows think what I have will send me to 'Hell' and will not accept or speak to me. That option is their choice, but I hope that as they speak to people who have come to know and accept us they might change their minds and opinions.

We hope we can speak to other classes this year.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Weekend for wedding

Last weekend Kay and I attended a wedding up in north of Dahlonega, GA, and the weather being rather cold this time of year didn't make it pleasant to sit on a mountain top with the wind blowing in your face. But after a beautiful if not chilly ceremony, we went inside the big lodge for the reception and had a great time. This is us with the grooms brother kicking up our heels on the dance floor.

Here we are cuddling, and being nice for once.

We stayed at a little Bed and Breakfast called, the Cedar House Inn & Yurts; very quaint and very nice people who owns the Inn. They do organic gardening and a lot of the breakfast foods were healthy and so good. Their land has been designated as a thriving habitat sanctuary for wildlife. They are trying to do more natural soil building and composting for the gardens and property. The house was made from actual cedar trees milled and cut at a local sawmill. They have installed several rain barrels to catch any rain and because they have a metal roof they can use that water to flush their toilets.
There were 3 other couples staying over and we had some lively and great conversation over breakfast and with one couple before we said our good nights. One couple was from Paris, Tennessee and one was from Alpharetta, GA and he was an graphic artist, the other pair was a mother who was visiting with her daughter who was a freshman at Georgia Military College in the town.

This is the view of the front of the Bed and Breakfast. The trees were just beginning to turn their fall colors. Very beautiful and strong colors this year.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween is gone

What is really sad about this day, is that in times past it was the one day that we could go out at night and be who we wanted to be, if we could screw up enough courage to present yourself as female if you lived as a male. As a child I had only one halloween where my costume was a dress. It became even more wishful thinking after I was married; heaven forbid if you were a closet dresser and your halloween costume was more flattering than what your wife ever wore. I think it would have been easier and more fun if one was single and presented as female than for someone who was trying desperately to keep one’s cross-dressing a secret. Don’t want to let your wife see you too excited about getting dressed.

For those who are thrilled for the opportunity to go out both straight, gay and/or trans it should be a safe time. But with all the bulling an hate being thrown our way we must constantly be aware of our surroundings. I only hope that we will not hear of gangs or groups of gay-hating youths who have beaten, hurt or kill those who they perceive to be gay as they roam their streets last night. We can only hope and pray.

For me, I don’t have to pretend anymore, I can be who I am; and you will never see me donning anything that would give the impression that I was cross-dressing as a man!

We are normally gone during Halloween, but last night we just went out to eat as our street seem pretty quite and deserted on Halloween. We did pass neighborhoods where the cars were lined up on the grass and mobs of children invaders were going house to house to collect their confectionary rewards for dressing up. It seems that’s the way halloween is done these days, families collect in small caravans and drive their trick-r-treat from neighborhood to neighborhood collecting their sugary rewards. I don’t remember my father taking me out to trick-r-treat, but I do remember walking with my children around our neighborhood and them collecting all the candy so they couldn’t get sick that night.

I remember making a ‘bat’ costume for my oldest child and as the years went by, they each wore the same costume; have the pictures to prove we did. I made it a priority to watch my children in any school or scouting activity they were involved with. I wanted them to know how much I cared about them, and loved them.

If I could make one wish, I wish that everyday could be halloween where we could dress up anyway we wanted and the other goblins and ghouls would not see us.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Miss Morano

Way to go, great message.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

High school chants

High school chants
Do students really understand how viral these 'cheers' can spread the hurt both to the other team and to the gay students that go to this school?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

No place for homophobia in schools

No place for homophobia in schools
Taken from Jillian Page's blog from Canadian Newspaper.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Be the Change

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

You've got to be carefully taught-

You've got to be taught

To hate and fear

You've got to be taught

From year to Year

It's got to be drummed

in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught

To be Afraid

Of people whose eyes

are oddly made

And people whose skin

Is a different shade

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught

Before it's too late

Before you are 6 or 7 or 8

To hate all the people

your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught

[Thanks to Laura for lyrics]

As I was in rehearsal for the local production of “South Pacific”, I was jolted again of the sense of urgency Roger’s and Hammerstein need to include this song in the musical. There was a storm again it’s being included and that was during the filming of the movie, in the Fifties.

It is heartbreaking to acknowledge that nothing has changed in the 60 years of so of it’s Broadway Premier in the way of children learning to hate by example. The reasons that these lyrics were included are just as relevant today as it was in those times. We have turned our hate towards other peoples, to other genders, to others size, or afflictions or disabilities that we ‘fear’, because they ‘are not like us’. We become bullies because it’s a way to fit in with those we perceive to have power over us. Our need to be included in a group sometimes blinds us to the dynamics of that particular group. The collective rage and hate churning out on those that the group doesn’t want to be associated with.

As individuals, groups or nations, we control others we fear by creating fear. Wouldn’t it be just as productive if we learned to listen and engage our children in conversations, where we would know if he or she is ‘bulling’ others we could stop them or when we would know if our children is being bullied for being different we could help them and let them be who they are.

The lyrics’ of that song in “South Pacific” which was written during a great time of national struggle is still such an important message for us, even today;

You've got to be taught

Before it's too late

Before you are 6 or 7 or 8

To hate all the people

your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught

Just one more thought, please

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Coming Out

I follow several blogs and the majority of the girls are that well into the transition journey. The path we walk to transgenderness is both unique and similar, Laura was asked to link to a post of 50 coming out stories at:50 Brave Posts about Coming Out

I know that each of us must find our own way, and I hope that these stories will let everyone realize that we are not alone on this journey but walking the path before us.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Peeling Layers Away

It has been said that to become the authentic person we know we are, we must first peel back layers of our existence. Much like the preverbal caterpillar that must spin its chrysalis that become its chamber of change, we decide what we must let go to become the female image we see in our minds.

As we find ourselves moving along our self appointed path, discarding bits of our male persona, we watch with wonder and joy to see our feminine selves emerge. We joyously toss the male behaviors, the gestures, the drab male clothing that was responsible for our old person being recognized as part of the male society. And we do everything to create the female person based on our experiences with women I believe some of us do. As I was trying to reshape my behaviors and hand gestures to more appropriate ones, I was building my wardrobe and accessories.

I realized that my idea or image of myself as a woman was based on my Mother, and how I saw her dressed every time she went out with my dad. I was 15 in 1960 and I would say that my Mother was a very fashion conscious woman of her day, wearing jewelry, and heels always with dresses or skirts. I believe that she also wore the required slip, hose and undergarments that women of her age wore. So of course, as I transitioned when I was older it meant that I still passed through some puberty stage of female development. Which meant that the dresses and skirts were above the knee, the heels had to be 3 inches or higher; I thought that I need to wear bracelets, earrings (clip-ons), pantyhose and foundation garments with full makeup, always. One had to dress appropriately, modestly, but fashionably.

I learned to quickly assimilate a feminine walk, gesturing and movements which I thought helped me pass as a women. It took a few years to realize that just as I peeled back my male persona, layer by layer, I could let go of my stylized image. The first change was realizing that I could wear dresses with no sleeves, as I had thought my arms were too big. Also the length of my clothes dropped to my calfs or floor length. Gone was the foundation garments and slips, gone was the higher heels, (sigh). I needed some jewelry, just not Everything I wore before. Maintaining my own sense of style and dress standards, of course was very important to blending in with the female population. Realized that after an especially hot summer, that I didn’t need to wear pantyhose and that was a big relief.

I peeled off my male persona and after some years living comfortable as Sarah, I began to peel away those mental ideas of what and who I thought a woman should aspire to and soon knew that I could present myself without long sleeves, wear lower heel or flats, no hose, even going out with no makeup.

So, life is more simpler with the layers peeled away and our existence free and transparent.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Caroline Gonzmart Courageous reporter for GLBT truth

This is not the best picture of me, but considering that I had been working all morning with the Pride Festival not bad. We arrived around 9:30 to setup all the tables and tents; we were grouping PFLAG, Integrity and for St Barnabas Episcopal Church together. These were the three groups that Kay and I are involved with.

The day was long, and we had warm weather with lots of clouds, a steady stream of people during the day, but not overcrowding.

As the previous post had the news clip from the local CBS station, it turns out that that reporter got exclusive of the day events. Our local newspaper failed to run a story the next day or on Monday, they chose to ignore all the great and combined efforts of the Pride organizers and GLBT supporters from the community to create a conversation about discrimination issues the GLBT community faces on a daily basis.

Regardless, if the other media which serves this community wanted to shut out and ignore the events that were happening at J.W. Sanders Park that day, they were left behind by one courageous reporter by the name of Caroline Gonzmart of the CBS affiliated station, and by her courage and compassionate report her name and face is being seen all over the internet as someone with enough moral strength to show truth of Valdosta, GA.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

South Georgia Pride TV Coverage

Posted by: brenda jonessarah wiggle---yea that is what we need in america. out with the bible in with the freaks and perverts. cherie-----yea another great day in america. SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. WHAT IS NEXT?
Posted by: Cherie Location: Valdosta on Sep 18, 2010 at 09:38 PM
Actually, there was no disaster. It was a great day.
Posted by: The Original Bob Location: Perry on Sep 18, 2010 at 08:31 PM
Isaiah 3:9 "The look on their faces testifies against them; they parade their sin like Sodom; they do not hide it. Woe to them! They have brought disaster upon themselves."
These were some of the comments posted to the video about South GA Pride. The phrase is PRIDE, pride in who we are, where we have to push next, pride in telling the America that our struggle is to be recognized as human being equal among nations.
I want to thank "The Original Bob" for again finding those scripture and words of my Lord, that some use as weapons of mass intimidation and hate. Hate is not a Christian Value. Love your neighbor, is Christ's second Commandment. Why does he not look for the love verses in the Bible, and "Bob" there are plenty of verses of scripture that preach love and acceptance. Please notice that his moral convictions are so weak that he will not use his real name, as we do. And "Original Bob" never comes close to having an Original thought, he just spews hate and ignorance that others have pounded into his scull of mush brains. I ask all of you to pray for people like "Original Bob" because they have lost the True Message of the Bible.
And to address Brenda, thank you for giving us a name, it might not be your real name, but you tried. If Brenda would have joined us yesterday at the park, she would have noticed that we were supported by one of the Episcopal Church's and the Unitarian Church. She would have noticed that we haven't thrown away our Bibles that yesterday was a day of Family Love and Acceptance. We use Our Bibles to show us that the God we follow is a loving and accepting god and is probable the same God that you look to for your Blessings and Love.
And you ask what next, well we shall see, we shall see. But for now, know that we will return next year for an even bigger Pride. And you are most welcomed to come join us, protest if you must and we encourage you to, but buy some food and help others create a new home for the homeless veterans in our area, oh yea hear the great music from Mercury Heat and Kym Berry; and Be the Christians helping to create positive changes in our community.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Southern Comfort

Just going to post a few pictures here, needless to say, we had a great time. I even did Karaoke for the first time, and the second song went very well.

Everyone, the dress I was wearing in the third picture was the one I made for myself.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Southern Comfort

Since last Wednesday, Kay and I have been here in Atlanta attending the Southern Comfort Convention, which is an amazing week of party, fun, intense group session about almost everything political and helpful to those of us who are trans.

I have met Chaz Bono, Pam of Pam's house blend, Jennifer Boylen, Allison Robertson, Autumn Sandeen, Mira Keesling, and many other people who are hard at work pushing for change for the lgbt community.

Here we are sitting at the faux news desk as we were taking the tour through CNN studios. I am always amazed at the sheer number of first timers who are attending this years convention. There is a greater number of younger people in attendance with each year; although this is only our second convention there were a great many first timers.

We were able to spend time with Laura and her wife A., a lovely couple who have learned how to work together and to keep the family together. It was a joy to spend time with the two of them for the day or so we had.

There is just so much to do when one is here that it sometimes can be overwhelming. But we have learn some great stuff to take back and tell our stories.
I will have other thoughts at a later time.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Changing Attitudes

This was written over several days but I feel it is still important to tell.

There seems to have been a small jump in acceptance for glbt folks around town. Like last week our PFLAG group set up a table during the local University's "Happening" event, where the college students are exposed to local companies and civic groups. We were at our booth for about 4 hours in the afternoon and watched a couple of thousand students walk by. Quite a number actually stopped and asked for information and some just to talk. This is the third year we have participated in this community and University event and every year I hear someone’s heartbreaking story of non acceptance and discrimination.

A young woman stopped at the table and began to talk about her cousin who has just ‘came out’ and members of his church have been harassing him, telling him that he is going to hell and so on, and so on. She was asking for information, any information that she could give her cousin which would show him that being ‘gay’ is not a ticket to hell. That, in fact, she wanted him to know that some churches welcome and seek out members of the gay community. We suggested to her that her cousin might want to find a more accepting church.

Again, one of the Universities Resident Assistants (RA) stopped by the table to get information, seem there is several RA’s who is determined to set up ‘safe’ rooms where glbt people go to be safe, to get more information. I thought it is great for people from university housing to be concerned for the safety of all glbt students. Now if we can only get the university to amend it’s discrimination policy to include sexual and gender identity clauses.

Having heard these particular two stories, it makes the whole day of sitting under a canopy sweating my a** off, worthwhile. Worthwhile to know that we might have helped one or two people fight bigotry and discrimination.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Southern Women

My Daughter is Awesome

I have talked about how my daughter and I fought like cats and dogs when she would come home from college and be in Sarah’s way. I was quite put out by her being at the house; but as her father, I was always glad to see her during her summer breaks. She had know about my dressing and was actually the one to talk to her mother about why she was still with me. She recognized that even though I was the one who need to break away from her, I wasn’t going to do anything drastic until I thought or knew that she could live and function independently. It was my daughter to got her mother to file for divorce because she could see we were not happy any more when we were together.

My children took my transition very hard and didn’t speak to me for several years, however, my daughter took the step to get to know Sarah, this person who was her father. She has overcome her feelings that I was guilty of abandonment her and her brother and ‘chose’ this life over her the person she knew to be her father.

Within the last year, my daughter and her fiance have gotten to know Sarah and her news stepmother Kay. She has realized that I needed to accept Sarah as a matter of self survival and that as a person I had not really changed other than I was a woman.

Last night She and Jason spent some time with Kay and I and she explained that as she has gotten to know me, her father, as Sarah and can see how happy both her mother and I have become, she has come to recognized in Sarah all the things she saw and knew her father to be; that I was a caring, nurturing, motherly type who took the time with her brothers and her to make sure they got a chance, as least to do or try whatever they wanted. She remembers going to all the girl and boy scouts events and meeting, the band rehearsal and camping trips, helping with school projects and such. She recognized that I was there changing diapers, and cleaning up after and reading stories and tucking them into bed at night.

She see all those things that her father did for her and her brothers, she see in this person she calls Sarah. We know that I will always be her father and when she and I are around those who knew her and her father I will be know as her dad.

I have come to realize just how insightful, and mature she is in getting to the heart of a matter. I look forward to the day when she and Jason have children and they will get to know us as their grandmothers and we will make sure they can understand what it is to be the “Grand ole Southern Women” we are, and teach our children to speak ‘Southern’ with the best of them.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Grandchildren is where they find you.

Do you ever notice how the one good deed you do for someone seem to take off and morph into more of the same? Well Kay and I have watched friends children when there is an emergency, or when Mother has other errands to do. And so we have watched several children off and on for that very reason, since we live in town and have a nice back yard for the children to play and a small fish pond where they can watch the fish.

As you know we are watching Lil' Miss Trinity for a few hours every morning and have watched her brother once in a while. Their mother have told the children to call us Grandmother and we had to pick out our grandmotherish name on the spot; so we have been upgraded from the Aunties to being called Mema and BG by these 3 children. Other children just call us Auntie, which we most dearly love.

Saturday afternoon we went to help Nick celebrate his Birthday and some other friends dropped by with 5 children. It was a marriage that combined two families, 3 boys and the father had a son and older daughter. Nothing happened that 4 boys didn't normally make happen. In fact there it was just loud controlled boy play.

As we left the party, we got a call from another friend whose younger child was running a high fever and had to take both boys to the emergency room; her husband is deployed and she doesn't have family in town. So we met her at the hospital to let her older, active child come stay with us until things were resolved with the younger son. The doctors finally got the fever under control and was treating the virus while we tried to keep her older son occupied; building castles, swinging, playing in the back yard, playing music with rhythm instruments and such. We were going to get some PJ's when his mother called as said she had made other arrangements for Lucus and wouldn't be much longer.

Later that night, Lucus said he wanted to know if his mother had other things to do tomorrow so he could go back to his Grandmothers house and play some more.

I'm not complaining one bit.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Her Brother

I didn't mean to leave out her brothers love for their sister, I only have a picture of one of her brothers which is very telling as to how much he loves her.

You realize how much she is loved when he softly tells her that she will be his sister always and that she is not going anywhere. Both of her brothers are very proud to have Trinity as their sister. All three are being raised in a family that is accepting of all people and will be quick to tell you what's right and what's wrong.

I am so humbled to be welcomed and included in this families lives, to be known as one of their grandmothers.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Little One we Love

It’s wonderful how little ones can change our routine very quickly. Trinity’s mother asked us if we could take care of her little one while she teaches; her schedule is varied and so it is different every day as to how long we get to watch her. She is really not much trouble to care for, as I remember caring for my own children growing up.

The end of the first week, and we have indeed changed our schedules, going to bed much earlier as we must get up by 7 pm. But watching Trinity is a joy, she is a very good baby, crying means that she is hungry or is ready for bed. So our chores are done around when she is asleep mostly, like getting our baths, eating, cleaning house. House work means doing those chores that are not noisy. But Trinity will let you put her in her car seat if you have to do other tasks.

All those baby related tasks that I learned as I cared for my children are still at my fingertips. Its like riding a bike you never forget once you have master the skills; making a bottle while holding the baby, changing her diapers; love the poopy ones that look like the old modeling clay, remember that? But all those baby task are paid for with one great big smile and giggle from her happy little face. She loves it when we bounce her and let her play on the bed; we are right at her side with a watchful eye.

Our two dogs are really good with her, gentle and watchful, especially Maggie, who lingers around where ever she is, or lays at our feet if we are holding her. The little white one will let her pull at her ears and her collar and she will stretch out next to her and just lay there. We have been smitten by this little child who will call us BG and Mema, can’t ask for anything better than that!!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Memories and Cats

For the second weekend we have been taking it easy in Hot ‘Lanta. Last weekend we saw the Joan Baez concert on the great lawn of the Botanical Gardens, tonight some friend were able to get great seat down front of the balcony of the Fabulous Fox Theater where we just saw a performance of “Cats”.

For those who do not know about Atlanta’s Fox Theater it was built for as the Shriner’s Temple and was converted into a theater, where “Gone with the Wind” Premiered. The entrance is a wide, long walkway lined with large display cabinets, boxes and the once past the doors every thing is covered in gilded goldish color and plush velvet. With the building being built around the Shriners theme it has lots of Arabian decor. The inside of the theater resembles a palace interior with what looks like the top of the palace wall with lanterns and at the back of the balcony you see what looks like the Arabian tents. The ceiling resembles the night sky with a deep blue with clouds and twinkling stars giving that feeling that you are sitting outside under a clear evening sky. The walls and stage has several opening which resemble Moorish architecture which hide the pipe of the famous house organ known as “Mighty Mo” which you have to hear to believe. In the area that would be called the pit, you could see the huge theater organ consul known as “Mighty Mo” an organ with 4 full keyboards and 5 banks of organ stops encircling the keyboards. In the center of the ‘pit’ was a baby grand piano, that had a candelabra and was actually split in half. The piano was linked to the organ and could be played from the organ consul, truly awesome when both played together. So we heard a short musical concert performed by the theater’s organist.

I know this musical has been around a while, but this was the first chance that I had to see it on stage. I have sung the abbreviated score to ‘Cats’ several time, and have only seen pictures from the Broadway production before tonight, so I was overwhelmed and blown away by the singers on stage, the costumes, the set; the whole production. After tonight, I realize the even though I had sung most of the memorable songs from the musical, we never understood the power and character of the songs and our rendition was quite lacking of the force and character that I saw on stage.

I can never compare which performance was the best as I can’t compare apples to oranges. To get to see a legend like Joan Baez was a once in a lifetime opportunity as is seeing ‘Cats’ on a musical stage which is one of the most popular long time running broadway shows.

I can’t even compare these opportunities to my meeting the great Bob Hope when I was in the Army and our Band was tasked to be his back-up band.

The weekends will be something that I will always remember fondly.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Prayers, Healiing Energy, Kind Thoughts.......

I am requesting prayers, healing energy, kind thoughts or whatever you do for our daughter's (my stepdaughter) fiance. He had a seizure last night and was taken to the Emergency Room. After a CT scan, he was told that he has a lesion on his brain. He was admitted to the hospital, had an MRI this morning and talked with a neurosurgeon this afternoon. He was told he has a tumor in the right temporal area of his brain. There will be surgery next week probably followed by chemotherapy and/or radiation.

Julie and Jason are a wonderful young couple and we are hoping for the best. He has an amazing attitude. He refers to his situation as a "bump in the road." That is exactly what I am praying for just a bump in the road.

Send lots of love his way!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I follow several of the girl's blogs who are going through transition pains with their families and friends and work and I know how difficult it can be when we spend emotional time maintaining cover of our 'family secrets'. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding my secrets until last summer when my daughter reconnected and we had a good long heart to heart talk about what she knew and saw concerning the family dynamics and stresses of my cross dressing adventures; which turned out to be more public than I ever realized. I chose to bury my head in the preverbal sand box.

What my daughter taught me is that older children make up their own minds, while younger children pick up the attitudes of parents, sometimes. Some children see that us as just another adult.

My own relationship with my mother was of compassion for me after I told her that I was going to change and become another daughter, she said that she would always love me, and I will remember that always.

The difficulties of my coming out to my family also happened when we were noticing the beginning of her declining mental health. It seemed that I would have to re-introduce 'Sarah' to her when Kay and I dropped in for a visit. She still could recognize us up until 4 or 5 months ago. Kay and I have been really involved with PFLAG and Integrity and visiting friends in the hospital and helping out people.

We had tried to drop in on Mother last week, but she seemed not to be at home, and so we left. Yesterday we visited a friend in the hospital because she had broken her ankle and we decided to check in on Mother again. We found her at home and learned that my sister who lives across the street had moved in with her to keep a closer eye on her and make sure she ate and took her medicine when she was suppose to and not overmedicate herself.

After only a few minutes, we realized that Mother mental acuity had really declined and she didn't recognize either of us. Her conversations tidbits centered around her father and that she was retired and was getting the retirement money from my father's military service. She didn't know us and thought we were from a church or some other place who visited the elderly. I was really hurt that my sister had not warned us as to mother declining mental health or that she had moved in with her.

She most certainly didn't know who "Sarah" was, I could also say that she wouldn't know that person that was her son. I realized that it would have been upsetting to her if I insisted that the woman sitting across from her was her new daughter much less than try to make her understand that I had been her son. So when we visit with her, and I intend to do so on a more frequent basis, we will be the two church ladies who come to visit and make pleasant conversation.

Monday, August 2, 2010

More Good Times in Atlanta

If you can believe our last weekend was awesome, this weekend should also be very productive. We have registered for Integrity's 'Believe Out Loud Conference' taking place this weekend in Atlanta,
Dear friend:

During the spring and summer of 2010, Integrity USA is holding a series for workshops in every province of The Episcopal Church. These events are designed to give local Episcopalians the knowledge and skills they need to help their parishes and dioceses become more inclusive.

The GLBT group, Integrity is working for change within Georgia's Episcopal Church, especially in the more Southern areas of the State. As we have a new Bishop who is working to be more inclusive, now is the time for change.

On Saturday Evening, some friends have gotten us tickets, which are on the front row of the first Balcony, to see the every popular Broadway Show, "Cats" at the Famous Fox Theater in Downtown Atlanta. I have never been inside of the "Fox" Theater so this should be a real treat for me, can't wait.

Will give details later.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Joan Baez

O.......M.......G...... Kay and I just returned from attending an outdoor concert under stars with Joan Baez. The concert was held on the main lawn at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. What a weekend we have had, we are staying in a B&B on Ponce de Leon ln, close to Piedmont Park, Atlanta. The owner bumped us up to a better suite and after we settled in we left for the concert arriving at the Gardens about 6pm, they let us park next to the gate, since we have the Kia Soul, (neat car). Everyone was sitting on the curb waiting patiently for the gates to open at 7pm, no cutting in line, everyone being good boys and girls. Once they let us into the park after checking bags we took a spot about 30 ft from the stage. We had arranged to pick up our dinner at the park and plopped ourselves down on the nice soft grassy lawn eating our meal waiting for the concert to begin. At about 8 pm Joan walked out on stage and it was an incredible 2 hours performance. We had bought new chairs which had to be low seated, so we pretty much had to stretch our legs out and let our feet play with the soft grass as the daylight faded.

Her voice was still crystal clear and strong as she opened with "I Believe in God" with her guitar, simply an amazing song which brought me to tears, it was so powerful. With the daylight fading and the birds and bats flying, the cicada singing on a clear, hot Atlanta night, the evening could not have been any better. After singing about 27 songs she ended the concert singing "Amazing Grace", accappella. As this was the first time I had ever seen Joan in concert and had really listened to her songs, I was blown away with her performance. What an incredible experience for Kay and I to feel connected as the small, older crowd sang 'The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down" and "Amazing Grace" loudly with her. Just Wow!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Busy weekends

Well the cat is finally out of the bag, so I can tell you that Kay and I have tickets to see Joan Baez this Friday at the Atlanta Botanical Garden. Although I never really listened to much of her music when I was growing up per say, I listened but never really knew that it was her songs. I was on a different musical path back in those days. I am so glad that I nagged Kay to buy the tickets early before they were sold out, we now see where they are going for over $200, each. I am getting excited, about sitting on the Great Lawn of the Gardens listening to a Musical Icon.

The first week in August, Kay and I are going to the Believe Out Loud conference in Atlanta and a very good friend of ours has gotten us tickets to see "Cats" at the Fox Theater, our seat are on the first row of the lowest balcony, so we should have a great viewpoint to see everything that is going on the stage.

Being retired is fun. Let you know more about both concerts.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


We have made friends with a great loving couple who have adopted 3 children, I have written about them in some previous posts. Two very active boys who can sometime be very engaged with doing tasks they think up.

They boys have known us as Auntie Kay and Sarah since they were adopted. Just last Friday, we were told we were being upgraded to Grandmothers because the boys need loving and doting Grands to look after. It is a wonderful thought, and you know Grandmothers, it is their job to spoil their grandchildren, just a little bit. Spoil them but we won't let them get away with things they are not suppose to do.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


We all must decide when and to whom and when it is fitting and proper to disclose our being trans. Well that scenario happened last week when Kay and I stopped in at the woman's department of Dillard's in Gainesville, Fl. It was only a little more than a year ago that I was driving down to Gainesville on a weekly basis when I was undergoing breast reconstruction and we would stop in at the Dillard's. It seem that there was the same sales person waited on us every time we went shopping and we had gotten comfortable chatting with her as she was ringing up her sales.

Well last week, this women was talking about how she was running for the city council and asked us for our vote. She also was saying how we should accept everyone regardless and how liberal she was in her views toward the lgbt community. I asked her how she felt about gays and trans people and she said she didn't have a problem with them, (us). I thought that if she felt this way then she should know more about her customers and who she waited on. When the department was empty except for Kay the saleslady and I, I told her that I was a trans woman, meaning I was born male. I revealed this fact so that she could say that she knew of a trans woman and that I was pleasant and no different than any other woman that came into her department.

It was hard for her to believe that I had been born male, and that she had no idea that I could even be trans. She was genuinely shocked and stunned and said that she would have never guessed. While we were discussing the fact that there were probably more trans woman who shopped in her department and that trans people were in every profession, another sales woman walked by and she called her over. Before I could even react she pointblank asked the woman if she could tell that I had been born male, she stared at me a few minutes and said no she would not have guessed, and walked away.

I was shocked that she had blurted out to another person, without my permission and outed me, before I could say how wrong that was.

If and when I visit her department, I will explain that it is very in-appropriate to out someone who is trans. That that is up to us to disclose, not her and please understand that when I told her I expected her to respect me as a woman. Maybe she is not a good candidate for City Councilwoman, because she is a blabbermouth and a gossip.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Didn't realize just how innovative young boys can be. We had bought a hand truck with the big rubber wheels and had left it on the back porch. Today we watched two boys and their younger sister for most of the day. After lunch they asked if they could play outside and went right to the two shovels and began to dig, which was ok with me but when the older one started to swing the shovel I had them put them away and went back inside.

While I was inside those two boys, ages 9 and 5 drug the handcart off the porch and was able to move two good size rocks weighing about 12 lbs each across the yard. I had used to big rocks to plug up the holes that our dogs had dug under the fencing. They had moved a good size ceramic planter 24 in tall across the yard also. And while they were moving things had carried 3 of my aloe plants along with 7 empty pots to my peppers plants area. I didn't see what they had done until after they had gone, I could only laugh and smile at their 'hard' work. No wonder they went home all hot and sweaty.

It's ok Mom, this is what Auntees put up with, to give hugs and kisses and smiles at their young charges 'achievements'.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Yesterday was my normal appointment with my primary doctor. Kay and I had gone to have her eye checked earlier that morning after her second eye surgery and everything is doing great.

Dr Smith has been my primary doctor for almost three years and we have been through a lot together, especially all that I have had done after my breast cancer and mastectomy. Yesterday was my 3 month checkup and when he came into the room he was going to talk about my having to lose some weight; when he saw that I had indeed lost 15 lbs since my last visit he was quite pleased and happy. Then he wished me a belated birthday and asked if I had gotten a fathers day card. When I told him that we had gotten mothers day cards he was very happy and surprised. I believe that he was truly concerned how my family was adjusting to my transition and was pleased. Then he said that he very happy to see my transformation over these last few years and the success of the changes in my appearance that he has noticed. I think I have finally convinced him that people who deal with gender dysphoria have great needs from the medical community.

My problem, now that I lost an average of 5 lbs a month, he is expecting me to continue that kind of weight loss. I told him what I was doing and would keep trying to lose more weight.

We shall see, we shall see; especially with my back problems, and knee problems. Ah, the joys of growing old gracefully. I am trying to party hard and hope I can slide into my end, bruised, tired, happy and exhausted.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Falling Dominoes

It is truly amazing to learn of the recent court rulings upholding that the DOMA or the prohibitive ruling again gay marriage in the State of Massachusetts has been declared unconstitutional. More recently, the Presbyterian Convention has just passed a change in its Canon Law to allow non-celebrate gay to be ordained to the ministry.

With the continued chipping away at state and church law to allow and recognize the rights and values of the lgbt community it is only a matter of time before other major legislation is passed giving protection to the gay and transgendered communities.

On another matter;
I am learning that members of the trans community are taking down their blogs as a measure of protection, security and safety of their persons, families and jobs. As more trans are making their mark in their communities, there is a greater exposure to be the victims of hate and physical violence. I understand the need for someone to make their blog private because they are in the beginning stages in preparation to transition at work. Going private with their blog blocks unwanted searches and views by people who have the power to hire and fire and to use any knowledge gained from reading employees blogs as evidence against the employee who posts about their being gay or transition history.

Individual who have successfully transition are taking down their blogs are doing so in order to blend in with society, to go stealth. When they take down their blogs we as a community lose access to their knowledge and history of the mechanics of their transition which is always helpful for others who are struggling with their own transition.

Hopefully, one day the news of when someone transition won't be news, and will be an everyday occurrence and acceptance will prevail.