Friday, December 31, 2010

Families chooses us

So how do I explain my Christmas and my family doings. As I have explained my mother happened to get sick and was hospitalized. I was told 2 days later and found her sitting up in her chair, having pulled her IV out for the 4th time. Not a good way to see my mother. I as my sister to let me know when she is released from the hospital when I leave. We are waiting for her test results from the cancer markers and as to when she will have the mass drained. And after a few days of thinking things over i can’t let it go by without making some comments.

When I try to visit my mother at the hospital, the staff tells me that she has been released and sent home; my sister has not called to tell me, we go visit her at home. My sister explodes and say that I need to call first to visit with other, no explanations or reason, just that I should call before I visit. The next week we go visit mother and she stops me from saying hello to my mother, almost throws me out, no explanations, no reasons. I ask her why, ask her what is her problem with me. She yells that I kept mother out late and didn’t tell my sister where I was. I ask her when this happened, 1, 2 or 3 years ago; she retorts that I never come by and visit. Now she really doesn’t know how many times Kay and I have visited with my mother; it’s just that she really doesn’t remember who came. I call my sister a ‘bitch’ she retorts she has taught school and has heard worse, I loudly call her a ‘f**king bitch’ several times, she threatens to call police because this is her house, she has guardianship over mother I ask to see the court papers. It gets ugly, mother is in her room, the hospice nurse is sitting at the table and hears all of this. Kay begs me to just leave and I do.

Later I get an email from my brother telling me he is in town, and he's sorry he hasn’t called to let me know. He tells me that mother has just gotten home from having the procedure to drain the mass, no one tells me she is in the hospital, no one calls to tell me they are visiting. After several very informative email from my brother we arrange to visit with my mother again on Monday, after we have delayed our trip 21 day. We have a good visit with my mother, my brother, nephew and evil sister. My brother shows me some pictures of when mother was having her procedure and I see another sister had been visiting that I never knew about. At least I learn that the test didn't suggest cancer. Some family, won’t even call their other sibling who lives in the same town as our mother to let me know they are visiting. I later discover that my oldest sister and her husband have been through town, no call. I also learn that my brother is picking up my youngest sister on Monday afternoon and she will be staying for a week. No call from her.

Now everyone of my siblings have my email, they might not have my phone number; but they have my email..... not one word that they will be in town. I know how everyone feels or thinks about me, or they can’t find the courage to ask, so sad, and to think they all believe themselves to be christians.

We have not been very close and they have had ‘family’ gatherings since I transitioned but come on; how can you live with yourselves. Sometimes our closest families are the ones that chooses us, and those are the families we make memories with. Oh and this is to my brother, I saw you post pictures of my sister and of other visitors with your emails, but after Kay and I visited why did you choose not to show our pictures?

When the family gathers for mother’s funeral, should be very interesting indeed,


Halle said...

Sadly, it is usually at times of crisis, illness, death that these very disfunctional situations with family come to the fore, and drive you crazy.

I understand perfectly from my personal experience, and the more people I get to know, the more examples accumulate of the frustration from attempting to maintain a civil relationship with people with whom we share little more than a genetic connection.

You have my sympathy, but little else, for I have few ideas of a good way to deal either. Try to be as patient as you can and gather support from Kay.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your family situation is so messed up. It sounds all too familiar, except that my family are far apart and almost never see each other. But my mother is very old. As you say, the funeral should be quite interesting.