Wednesday, July 21, 2010


We all must decide when and to whom and when it is fitting and proper to disclose our being trans. Well that scenario happened last week when Kay and I stopped in at the woman's department of Dillard's in Gainesville, Fl. It was only a little more than a year ago that I was driving down to Gainesville on a weekly basis when I was undergoing breast reconstruction and we would stop in at the Dillard's. It seem that there was the same sales person waited on us every time we went shopping and we had gotten comfortable chatting with her as she was ringing up her sales.

Well last week, this women was talking about how she was running for the city council and asked us for our vote. She also was saying how we should accept everyone regardless and how liberal she was in her views toward the lgbt community. I asked her how she felt about gays and trans people and she said she didn't have a problem with them, (us). I thought that if she felt this way then she should know more about her customers and who she waited on. When the department was empty except for Kay the saleslady and I, I told her that I was a trans woman, meaning I was born male. I revealed this fact so that she could say that she knew of a trans woman and that I was pleasant and no different than any other woman that came into her department.

It was hard for her to believe that I had been born male, and that she had no idea that I could even be trans. She was genuinely shocked and stunned and said that she would have never guessed. While we were discussing the fact that there were probably more trans woman who shopped in her department and that trans people were in every profession, another sales woman walked by and she called her over. Before I could even react she pointblank asked the woman if she could tell that I had been born male, she stared at me a few minutes and said no she would not have guessed, and walked away.

I was shocked that she had blurted out to another person, without my permission and outed me, before I could say how wrong that was.

If and when I visit her department, I will explain that it is very in-appropriate to out someone who is trans. That that is up to us to disclose, not her and please understand that when I told her I expected her to respect me as a woman. Maybe she is not a good candidate for City Councilwoman, because she is a blabbermouth and a gossip.


Caroline said...

Clearly she has really bad instincts and has shown herself to be a less than suitable candidate, to have such poor understanding of what is appropriate is outrageous.

Caroline xxx

Veronica said...

Some people seem not to realize that when we share that information, we're doing so in confidence, for their ears only. I guess they figure that if we're telling them, we must be open to everyone, which is a bad assumption.

I think it might also be that to other people, we're a phenomenon. They seem to forget that we're real people with real lives, not a curiosity.

I hope you can get her to understand that what she did was wrong.

Melissa said...

I don't think she meant any offense. In fact I think she was just trying to be friendly, and that was her way of complimenting you on how naturally female she thought you looked. In the future, you would probably be wise to preface your statement, with "Just between you and me........." I'm sure if you did that, she would have respected your privacy.

Melissa XX

Anonymous said...

I've been lucky that everyone that I've ever opened up to about myself over the years has proved to have been discrete, with one exception.

On the occasions that friends have felt that they have to tell someone else they've always told me first and I've understood the reasons why.
One friend needed to tell another friend and also her boyfriend as the two of us were seeing each other outside work quite a bit after I'd told her as she was helping me as I learnt how to put on make up and things.
The other friends that felt the need to tell someone else are leaders of a church group I belong to and who I told about my plans to transition. They felt they needed to talk to our vicar and his wife so that they were aware of things. All of these have been really discrete.

The only time that I've not been told by a person that they have told other people was my wife who told her parents and sister just after I told her about myself, which was a couple of weeks after we met. Her family have never mentioned it to me so have proven themselves to be discrete.

Anonymous said...

I am assuming from what you wrote that she clumsily wanted to let you know just how great you are. It would be wise for you to point out her need for privacy though just to make sure she knows for the future.

Two Auntees said...

I think Melissa and lisalisa are right. She is very outgoing and friendly with her customers. I don't think she meant any harm. Neither woman seemed disturbed.

Anonymous said...

Gather roses while you may...................................................