Facial features

I am reading several blogs that describes the writers, are going through, or have scheduled or is planning the ffs, Facial Feminization Surgery. Although, I would never push anyone to transition faster that what they are comfortable; I know for me there several features about my face that I would change if I had the money. The same features that my wife thinks are so cute on me. I have had several women comment about how the features of my face are typical for females in general. That the typical face of a woman that others see is not the same features that I have stared at in the mirror through the eyes of a person raised male. Each of us must decide for ourselves what it takes to match up the person we know us to be and the person we see in the mirror. We must come to terms with the image of the mind's eye and who is seen by others.

Learning to use makeup is a process of trial by error for me and probable for most of my sisters out there daring to transition. Again even though I grew up with four sisters, I was never afforded makeup lessons by my mother or my sisters. It was only learning from the women who worked the cosmetic counters who gave me my best tips when I had makeovers done. After using a number of different brands from the discount stores and other lines of cosmetic from various department stores, I have settled with the MAC line of cosmetics because it gives me the freshest look and stays on the longest. But it wasn’t until this past Sunday that I received a most flattering compliment, the hotel clerk was very complimentary about how my makeup looked and couldn’t stop looking at me, I guess my dazzling looks blinded her to see only the woman standing at her counter, and exclaimed that she thought my makeup looked great, that I looked like a “doll”. I thanked her graciously and told her what makeup I was using. I had changed to the liquid foundation at it really makes my face ‘glow’, so I was really excited and pleased. It’s nice to know that I can look more glitzy when I have the opportunity to dress up.

When one has a limited income, we have to choose carefully those things that will give us the most benefits for our money, those procedures that are beyond our financial reach will have to wait for another day. But having other woman praise the looks that can achieve by other means, goes a long way to being more confident with yourself.

Children Are Great!! Church............the Jury Is Still Out

This has been a difficult couple of weeks as far as church goes. There was an event at our church. A former priest had been invited to participate in the event. This person had repeatedly thrown us under the church bus during their time here. I had forgiven this person but I was not prepared for the anger I felt when I found myself in the same room as person. I was glad when the event was over.

Lent and Holy Week are coming up. Last year a certain faction in church had raised Holy Hell because Sarah used the female bathroom. It was really bad.....ugly. One of the ring leaders for the insurrection is a member of church who serves at the altar. I find myself really dreading Holy Week because the difficulty last year was at it's peak during Holy Week. The memories are really painful for me. I'm not sure how to deal with this right now.

Tonight there was a new development that may turn out okay or may not. Things never move fast with churches. I think we could use some prayers.

Funny, all the kids in our lives have been great lately. Wish they ran a church.

Small can be Huge

In my previous post about being recognized through the eyes of children; this morning I heard a child, who we were watching for the day say to a friend that he had just met, “This is my Aunt Sarah and that woman over there is my Aunt Kay.” Here is the same child who, only last week was legally adopted by a great, caring and loving couple. We get to be their “Aunties”, because our families are connected in a special way. He doesn’t know about my past; he only see’s his Aunt Sarah and I almost broke down in tears of joy. So for me this is a huge acknowledge for me by someone who only some months ago was rejected by his foster mother. Now I get to be a huge part of his life from now on, and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Validation through Children

On another wonderful outing with some other friends, we all quilt, so we headed to Trenton Florida to a wonderful quilt shop and cafe located in an old Coca Cola Bottling building, where there are over 1000 bolts of material plus books and quilting supplies. There were some amazing quilts on display throughout the building. The two children always seen to find something to occupy themselves and there was a cage with an old African Gray Parrot, named Pretty Boy who would talk and whistle every once-in-a-while. It was an amazing mixture of colors, with old and new patterns. Keeping the children happy and out of trouble was difficult until I took them outside and we explored an old train station platform and depot with signal switch until their mother and Ms. Kay and finished looking.

Another bright spot was to meet our very dear friends for breakfast. That morning they were in court to adopt an older child who had been through some rough years emotionally. But when they saw us walk across the parking lot their mother said they started yelling, “Here comes Auntie Kay and Auntie Sarah!” we were almost knocked down when they ran into our legs to give us a big hug. James just had to sit with Kay and Nick had to sit beside me. Watching the reaction of James to the whole adoption process was an amazing calming experience for him; because he understands that he ‘belongs’ to someone and has a brother who adores him. It was awesome to watch the two boys bond so quickly and accept this new family as his family.

Some weeks have days that are brighter than others. Kay and I recently conducted what has become our annual gender and sex discussion with one of the graduate level Marriage and Sex Therapy classes. Usually Kay and I have sat down a few days before and re-evaluated our relationship, but this year we spoke with the class ‘Off the Cuff’. Our allotted time was for 2.5 hours; and being a graduate level class there were not many students in the room; most were women and one male student who sat directly oppositely us at a large table. Since there happened to be both male to female and female to male and my wife present, we were able to give them a better understanding from both sides of the fence, so to speak. As we finished our part of the class discussion, we did not have as many questions from students as we had had in previous years. Every seemed to be genuinely interested in the discussion by asking very pointed questions. I think that the Professor was quite happy with how it all turned out.

Four happy faces can really bring one back to reality, that Kay and I are loved and adored by these children who only know us as we are. Our reality involves relationships with some children, who only see us and validates us as their Aunties; who gets down on the floor, as difficult as that can be sometimes, to play with them and let them be who they are; children.

Just Another Wild Week at the Auntees

We started the week off thinking we were going to Arkansas for a funeral for Sarah's uncle. Timing and weather derailed those plans so we were thinking that this would be a quiet week with not much going on............we always start our weeks thinking that. I don't think we will ever learn!

We had not seen one of our favorite families for a while so we invited them over for an early dinner on Friday evening. The boys can get a little rowdy when it begins to get late so the parents like to get them home and to bed before too late. With that done, we carried on with our week. An appointment out of town. A few other little things.

I called a military family who had moved before Christmas that we had not heard from. I was a little worried. After their move, their household furnishing did not come as expected so they spent the holidays in a house with no furniture. We missed calls a couple of times but we finally made contact. The were doing good, had finally gotten the furniture but did not like the new duty post. Seems there have been some rather unfriendly people and not so good schools for one of the kids. Also, there was a problem with drivers license in the new state. However, they had sold their house here (something they were worried about because of the economy). We talked a while and enjoyed catching up. It was good to know they were doing good.

On Thursday, the wife in the military family called me back with the news they were having a signing on their house on Friday and wondered if we would like company that night. Of course, we would like company! Two really cute kids, a mom and dad we really like and an old sweet Labrador Retriever. They arrived around 11 p.m. on Thursday night. The kids were mostly asleep so the parents put them to bed. The little girl saw me as her mom was laying her in the bed and she smiled really big. She loves her Auntees. We talked for a little while and all went off to our beds.

Up the next morning bright and early. Mom and dad go off to solve the driver's license problem and we go to the church craft group with the kids. The plan is to meet back trade off cars (they used ours for the driving test) they will get the kids, do the signing on the house they are selling and return home. I have a retirement party to go to. Well, things slowly begin to tip down the hill. They need to go back to their old house to check on some things and it takes a little longer than expected. We get a call from our dog sitter who has found our dogs with a strange other dog running behind her house (they are supposed to be in our fenced in yard). Sarah runs home to check on the dog situation. Mom and dad return to the church while Sarah is gone. I need to leave to go to the party. I ride with mom and dad back to our house. A friend keeps their kids and her kids while they go to the signing. We trade cars back at our house. They go to the signing and we go to the retirement party.

We leave the party. Our other guests are due at 5:15 p.m. We return to the house and realize that the out of town family is probably going to be with us another night. No problem. We just need to call them and arrange for them to come back for dinner (there is plenty for all). Of course, there are problems getting them by phone. We have just finished dinner with the couple and 2 little boys who live here when the military family gets our message and calls back. I tell them to come on back and eat there is plenty of food left. They have swapped off with the woman who kept their kids while they are at the signing and they now have 4 kids. So they all meet back here.

Now the fun begins. We have 6 kids in the house. The Auntees like kids so it is really not a problem. They are having fun running and romping. Everyone finally gets fed. We are sitting around and the kids sort of change from one activity to another. It is a little loud and a little crazy but we do like kids. The phone rang and Sarah turns around asks, "okay, who called 911?" It seems that someone in the group had called 911, unfortunately for the kid, the father had caught him with the telephone but did not realize that he had actually called someone. The 911 people told Sarah that a police officer would be coming by. The dad made the caught-kid apologize to the police officer for calling 911. You could tell he was a little scared. The officer was very nice.

We chat for a little while. The mom and 2 kids leave and we insist the military family stay over for the night because it is at least a 6 hour drive home for them. They stay. The kids get off to bed. We have time for nice long conversation and catch up on lots of things.

The next morning they are up. The 4 year old girl sleeps a little longer than the others (you know princesses need their sleep). She wakes up full of smiles and happy. We have time to visit a little more. The little boy says he want to stay (that melts our hearts). They really are sweet kids and we do miss the family a lot. They say they plan to return from time to time and we really hope they do. We assured them we have bedrooms for them.

Just another wild week at the Auntees!!