Kay and I had another video taping session with the professor who is doing a documentary about my transition, and how it has affected my children. We always manage to delve into some issues and questions about my feelings I had as I transitioned. How I managed to remain aloof about some of the dangers I exposed myself to is trying to hide my secret.
Transition is about many steps of acceptance of one's self image and how my image has morphed during the year before and the years after I went full time. There are little things that I can see that happened as my confidence in myself grew. I finally realized that I didn't have to wear everything when I dressed. That it was alright to forgo the slips, the girdles, even the pantyhose. It was alright to wear dresses and skirts that fell below the knees; I eventually realized that I could wear sleeveless dresses that showed my arms. Arms that I thought were too large and fat. Another step of acceptance with my transition was to wear flats as opposed to tennis shoes and heels; oh I gave a lot of my higher heels away after I developed back problems, but I still need my heels. It was a major step for me to go out and about without makeup; that was a little scary as I still haven't be able to afford electrolysis, (too many other important things which drain my bank account).
I have always wanted long hair, which I had for a long time, about 6 years, it all relative folks. When I was growing up I kept my hair short. When I began my transformation to 'Sarah', I confided in my hair stylist what I wanted and why and after years of wearing wigs as my hair grew out, I was finally able to get it cut in a more feminine style. As you can see I got my hair cut shorter over a week ago and have gotten lots of compliments about the new hair do. I did have to go back and have the girl cut more off the back and that really helped with the new shape. I finally learned that if you are not satisfied with a service, or food or whatever; keep returning it or send it back until you are satisfied; after all we paid good money for what we buy and we expect certain standards.
Our standards of who we are to become we created as we transition and should never be compromised if we are determined to forge ahead. But we must re-adjust our horizons every once in a while because our paths of transition is rocky and filled with curves and blocked roads which makes us find new ways to overcome the obstacles we find in our way.
When others see me happy and well adjusted that seem to be more accepting of us; I am speaking of Kay and I now. I have come to realize that for every flaw that I that I find with my body that screams 'MALE', I have noticed the same 'flaws' with some genetically born women.
So listen to a women who had to transition without hormones therapy after developing breast cancer. If I can be happy with the way my life turned out without hormones, you should find it easier in your transition if you are still using hormones.