I think it safe to guess that as all of us transition, we must live in the neither world of genders as we must constantly shift between our two lives. Yesterday Kay and I sat down for another hour of taping for the documentary someone is making about our lives and how the family is dealing with me. As we were talking about how the family dealt with my dressing before my wife filed for divorce, he mentioned that during our previous discussion I would refer to myself in the 'third person' when talking about the years before I 'officially' transitioned. The professor had heard about my cross dressing by 1996, seven years before the divorce and transition.
I had not realized that I was separating that female person from my otherwise chaotic life, she really wasn't Sarah, but that female entity helped me so much in how I dealt with all my emotional issues with gender. When we would have friend over I remember being the one who cleaned the rooms and set the table, making sure we had a nice arrangement of flowers for the centerpiece.
There are guidelines and level that must be achieved, but we are missing the manual that gives direction. We have to learn what works for each of us as we travel down the path of transition; we must make our own way to reach that place of comfort and acceptance.