Southern Women

My Daughter is Awesome

I have talked about how my daughter and I fought like cats and dogs when she would come home from college and be in Sarah’s way. I was quite put out by her being at the house; but as her father, I was always glad to see her during her summer breaks. She had know about my dressing and was actually the one to talk to her mother about why she was still with me. She recognized that even though I was the one who need to break away from her, I wasn’t going to do anything drastic until I thought or knew that she could live and function independently. It was my daughter to got her mother to file for divorce because she could see we were not happy any more when we were together.

My children took my transition very hard and didn’t speak to me for several years, however, my daughter took the step to get to know Sarah, this person who was her father. She has overcome her feelings that I was guilty of abandonment her and her brother and ‘chose’ this life over her the person she knew to be her father.

Within the last year, my daughter and her fiance have gotten to know Sarah and her news stepmother Kay. She has realized that I needed to accept Sarah as a matter of self survival and that as a person I had not really changed other than I was a woman.

Last night She and Jason spent some time with Kay and I and she explained that as she has gotten to know me, her father, as Sarah and can see how happy both her mother and I have become, she has come to recognized in Sarah all the things she saw and knew her father to be; that I was a caring, nurturing, motherly type who took the time with her brothers and her to make sure they got a chance, as least to do or try whatever they wanted. She remembers going to all the girl and boy scouts events and meeting, the band rehearsal and camping trips, helping with school projects and such. She recognized that I was there changing diapers, and cleaning up after and reading stories and tucking them into bed at night.

She see all those things that her father did for her and her brothers, she see in this person she calls Sarah. We know that I will always be her father and when she and I are around those who knew her and her father I will be know as her dad.

I have come to realize just how insightful, and mature she is in getting to the heart of a matter. I look forward to the day when she and Jason have children and they will get to know us as their grandmothers and we will make sure they can understand what it is to be the “Grand ole Southern Women” we are, and teach our children to speak ‘Southern’ with the best of them.

Grandchildren is where they find you.

Do you ever notice how the one good deed you do for someone seem to take off and morph into more of the same? Well Kay and I have watched friends children when there is an emergency, or when Mother has other errands to do. And so we have watched several children off and on for that very reason, since we live in town and have a nice back yard for the children to play and a small fish pond where they can watch the fish.

As you know we are watching Lil' Miss Trinity for a few hours every morning and have watched her brother once in a while. Their mother have told the children to call us Grandmother and we had to pick out our grandmotherish name on the spot; so we have been upgraded from the Aunties to being called Mema and BG by these 3 children. Other children just call us Auntie, which we most dearly love.

Saturday afternoon we went to help Nick celebrate his Birthday and some other friends dropped by with 5 children. It was a marriage that combined two families, 3 boys and the father had a son and older daughter. Nothing happened that 4 boys didn't normally make happen. In fact there it was just loud controlled boy play.

As we left the party, we got a call from another friend whose younger child was running a high fever and had to take both boys to the emergency room; her husband is deployed and she doesn't have family in town. So we met her at the hospital to let her older, active child come stay with us until things were resolved with the younger son. The doctors finally got the fever under control and was treating the virus while we tried to keep her older son occupied; building castles, swinging, playing in the back yard, playing music with rhythm instruments and such. We were going to get some PJ's when his mother called as said she had made other arrangements for Lucus and wouldn't be much longer.

Later that night, Lucus said he wanted to know if his mother had other things to do tomorrow so he could go back to his Grandmothers house and play some more.

I'm not complaining one bit.

Her Brother

I didn't mean to leave out her brothers love for their sister, I only have a picture of one of her brothers which is very telling as to how much he loves her.

You realize how much she is loved when he softly tells her that she will be his sister always and that she is not going anywhere. Both of her brothers are very proud to have Trinity as their sister. All three are being raised in a family that is accepting of all people and will be quick to tell you what's right and what's wrong.

I am so humbled to be welcomed and included in this families lives, to be known as one of their grandmothers.

Little One we Love

It’s wonderful how little ones can change our routine very quickly. Trinity’s mother asked us if we could take care of her little one while she teaches; her schedule is varied and so it is different every day as to how long we get to watch her. She is really not much trouble to care for, as I remember caring for my own children growing up.

The end of the first week, and we have indeed changed our schedules, going to bed much earlier as we must get up by 7 pm. But watching Trinity is a joy, she is a very good baby, crying means that she is hungry or is ready for bed. So our chores are done around when she is asleep mostly, like getting our baths, eating, cleaning house. House work means doing those chores that are not noisy. But Trinity will let you put her in her car seat if you have to do other tasks.

All those baby related tasks that I learned as I cared for my children are still at my fingertips. Its like riding a bike you never forget once you have master the skills; making a bottle while holding the baby, changing her diapers; love the poopy ones that look like the old modeling clay, remember that? But all those baby task are paid for with one great big smile and giggle from her happy little face. She loves it when we bounce her and let her play on the bed; we are right at her side with a watchful eye.

Our two dogs are really good with her, gentle and watchful, especially Maggie, who lingers around where ever she is, or lays at our feet if we are holding her. The little white one will let her pull at her ears and her collar and she will stretch out next to her and just lay there. We have been smitten by this little child who will call us BG and Mema, can’t ask for anything better than that!!

Memories and Cats

For the second weekend we have been taking it easy in Hot ‘Lanta. Last weekend we saw the Joan Baez concert on the great lawn of the Botanical Gardens, tonight some friend were able to get great seat down front of the balcony of the Fabulous Fox Theater where we just saw a performance of “Cats”.

For those who do not know about Atlanta’s Fox Theater it was built for as the Shriner’s Temple and was converted into a theater, where “Gone with the Wind” Premiered. The entrance is a wide, long walkway lined with large display cabinets, boxes and the once past the doors every thing is covered in gilded goldish color and plush velvet. With the building being built around the Shriners theme it has lots of Arabian decor. The inside of the theater resembles a palace interior with what looks like the top of the palace wall with lanterns and at the back of the balcony you see what looks like the Arabian tents. The ceiling resembles the night sky with a deep blue with clouds and twinkling stars giving that feeling that you are sitting outside under a clear evening sky. The walls and stage has several opening which resemble Moorish architecture which hide the pipe of the famous house organ known as “Mighty Mo” which you have to hear to believe. In the area that would be called the pit, you could see the huge theater organ consul known as “Mighty Mo” an organ with 4 full keyboards and 5 banks of organ stops encircling the keyboards. In the center of the ‘pit’ was a baby grand piano, that had a candelabra and was actually split in half. The piano was linked to the organ and could be played from the organ consul, truly awesome when both played together. So we heard a short musical concert performed by the theater’s organist.

I know this musical has been around a while, but this was the first chance that I had to see it on stage. I have sung the abbreviated score to ‘Cats’ several time, and have only seen pictures from the Broadway production before tonight, so I was overwhelmed and blown away by the singers on stage, the costumes, the set; the whole production. After tonight, I realize the even though I had sung most of the memorable songs from the musical, we never understood the power and character of the songs and our rendition was quite lacking of the force and character that I saw on stage.

I can never compare which performance was the best as I can’t compare apples to oranges. To get to see a legend like Joan Baez was a once in a lifetime opportunity as is seeing ‘Cats’ on a musical stage which is one of the most popular long time running broadway shows.

I can’t even compare these opportunities to my meeting the great Bob Hope when I was in the Army and our Band was tasked to be his back-up band.

The weekends will be something that I will always remember fondly.

Prayers, Healiing Energy, Kind Thoughts.......

I am requesting prayers, healing energy, kind thoughts or whatever you do for our daughter's (my stepdaughter) fiance. He had a seizure last night and was taken to the Emergency Room. After a CT scan, he was told that he has a lesion on his brain. He was admitted to the hospital, had an MRI this morning and talked with a neurosurgeon this afternoon. He was told he has a tumor in the right temporal area of his brain. There will be surgery next week probably followed by chemotherapy and/or radiation.

Julie and Jason are a wonderful young couple and we are hoping for the best. He has an amazing attitude. He refers to his situation as a "bump in the road." That is exactly what I am praying for just a bump in the road.

Send lots of love his way!

Families

I follow several of the girl's blogs who are going through transition pains with their families and friends and work and I know how difficult it can be when we spend emotional time maintaining cover of our 'family secrets'. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding my secrets until last summer when my daughter reconnected and we had a good long heart to heart talk about what she knew and saw concerning the family dynamics and stresses of my cross dressing adventures; which turned out to be more public than I ever realized. I chose to bury my head in the preverbal sand box.

What my daughter taught me is that older children make up their own minds, while younger children pick up the attitudes of parents, sometimes. Some children see that us as just another adult.

My own relationship with my mother was of compassion for me after I told her that I was going to change and become another daughter, she said that she would always love me, and I will remember that always.

The difficulties of my coming out to my family also happened when we were noticing the beginning of her declining mental health. It seemed that I would have to re-introduce 'Sarah' to her when Kay and I dropped in for a visit. She still could recognize us up until 4 or 5 months ago. Kay and I have been really involved with PFLAG and Integrity and visiting friends in the hospital and helping out people.

We had tried to drop in on Mother last week, but she seemed not to be at home, and so we left. Yesterday we visited a friend in the hospital because she had broken her ankle and we decided to check in on Mother again. We found her at home and learned that my sister who lives across the street had moved in with her to keep a closer eye on her and make sure she ate and took her medicine when she was suppose to and not overmedicate herself.

After only a few minutes, we realized that Mother mental acuity had really declined and she didn't recognize either of us. Her conversations tidbits centered around her father and that she was retired and was getting the retirement money from my father's military service. She didn't know us and thought we were from a church or some other place who visited the elderly. I was really hurt that my sister had not warned us as to mother declining mental health or that she had moved in with her.

She most certainly didn't know who "Sarah" was, I could also say that she wouldn't know that person that was her son. I realized that it would have been upsetting to her if I insisted that the woman sitting across from her was her new daughter much less than try to make her understand that I had been her son. So when we visit with her, and I intend to do so on a more frequent basis, we will be the two church ladies who come to visit and make pleasant conversation.

More Good Times in Atlanta

If you can believe our last weekend was awesome, this weekend should also be very productive. We have registered for Integrity's 'Believe Out Loud Conference' taking place this weekend in Atlanta,

Dear friend:

During the spring and summer of 2010, Integrity USA is holding a series for workshops in every province of The Episcopal Church. These events are designed to give local Episcopalians the knowledge and skills they need to help their parishes and dioceses become more inclusive.

The GLBT group, Integrity is working for change within Georgia's Episcopal Church, especially in the more Southern areas of the State. As we have a new Bishop who is working to be more inclusive, now is the time for change.

On Saturday Evening, some friends have gotten us tickets, which are on the front row of the first Balcony, to see the every popular Broadway Show, "Cats" at the Famous Fox Theater in Downtown Atlanta. I have never been inside of the "Fox" Theater so this should be a real treat for me, can't wait.

Will give details later.