Why did I not confront my gender question? I had taken the path of least resistance, to conform and let others tell me what and how I should live my life. Phew! The longer one lets something sit and fester, the harder it is to deal with the messes.
Once I started my struggle to climb up the path of transition, I found myself questioning the rules, breaking the rules and becoming more like the confused "Spork" in this picture. A person having the parts of both and not being comfortable using either facilities. I would search for single use bathrooms as I was not sure about by 'passing' skills during those early days of transition. My earlier day would find me flip-floping back and forth during the day; uncomfortable and withdrawn as 'John' and outgoing and a social butterfly as Sarah. I eventually worn away my 'fork' tines and as those points faded away, I grew into my outgoing butterfly self.
In some way or another, we all find ourselves changing and morphing from one character and person into another; sometimes keeping short points to poke at others and ourselves at the time we needed poking. There was a time in my life and transition that being a 'spork' worked as a bridge between one world or gender and the other. But now even my 'spork' has had its point worn down so it's just a spoon. I look like a spoon and am recognized as a spoon which is all I really wanted. And it fit's; it's who I am.
1 comment:
I never could accept any part of the male whorl and it's privileges and saw no way to be part of the female team I knew in my heart I belonged to. I spent half a century as a "spork"!
As it urned out, fully crossing to the bright side was not as impossible as I had thought. What regret for all those decades in the middle and life wasted...
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