Friday, May 16, 2008

I was reading someone’s response to a post about how people start seeing colors and their others senses seem more heightened because they were doing hormone replacement therapy. They think that the estrogen is changing their perceptions of things, being happier, brighter and such. This was my initial feelings that light and sound and my sense of taste were heightened because I was finally getting to take estrogen and I was looking forward to the feminine changes that would happen to my body over the next few years.
Since I discovered the breast cancer and my choices were narrowed to a large extent by future cancerous lumps being discovered, I chose to live my life without the benefit of the use of any and all estrogen; my hormones were cut off. Looking back on the years since I had the mastectomy I now realize that my sensitivity to my senses have diminished or returned to the levels before I started HRT. Although, I am not really positive that there were differences in the senses perception to begin with; still, I Am easily saddened by situations and will get a good cry now and again.
My heart cries for Jona and Bradley, the two children whose parents have chosen different treatment paths. My heart cries joyfully for the path Jona is being allowed to take, because his parents has shown their daughter love and understanding and that they are OK with what she needs. As for Bradley’s parents I cry and become angry at them for forcing their wants on Bradley over what ‘she’ needs. I cringe at the way ‘she’ has had her girly toys taken away and can’t use her favorite crayons, and is forced to play only with boy things. It is sad to read the comments made by her parents they know this is not working but want to keep her safe. I can only compare Jona and Bradley’s situation with my growing up in the 50’s & 60’s and not even knowing there was a name for what I felt. I was the child who never, ever did anything to break the law, any law. And to do anything that would go against what my father’s rules were, was asking for a whipping. I am quite sure that if I had said anything about being in the wrong body, I would have been treated with the same solution that Bradley parents have chosen. That protocol treatment is the same course of action that Dr. Zucker and his partners uses and has stuck with the same course of treatment since the 60’s and was just as wrong then and it is now. To force a transgendered child to think the best treatment for them is to believe that they must live their lives bases on the sex of their birth; that is the most cruel and unjust punishment to be inflicted on any child.
Someone once said that if you have never, ever questioned your sexuality then you have no idea what someone who knows they are transgender is feeling. While I lived my life in limbo wasting so much emotional energy hiding my secret; I carried on with the life that I had as best as I could until my emotional walls crumbled exposing my secret to my family. Meeting another transwoman was like my flower bud opening to the real world and knowing I could walk down the street as Sarah, and everything would be OK. I wasn’t alone and there is help for those who seek help.

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