Monday, May 19, 2008


It is remarkable that people look but don’t really see things in the same way. Perceptions can change with people and of people. My perceptions as to what I should wear to be seen as a woman has changed dramatically since I started dressing. The only way that I would let myself be seen as a woman was to wear everything. The perfect makeup, the classic jewelry, earrings and necklace with a bracelet; I had to wear pantyhose with a slip and girdle, (long waist preferred) the dress (long or short sleeve) and of course heels, at least 3 inches. I’m not sure if people realized how much clothing I was wearing and if it indeed made any difference at all.

I have long since gotten over these perceptions, that I must wear everything, to present myself as female. I do try to dress more in the middle fashion than say being punk or dressing for the ball. And I have plenty of dresses that are sleeveless; although I don’t really wear jeans or pants very much because I had to wear them so much for work; up until the time I started dressing.

I thought that the absolute one feature that I must have to be female should be to have breasts. I spent hours searching web sites looking for a good substitute stuffing for my bras. After a few years I purchased a set of universal silicone breast forms that fill the bra. When I started hormones I began to get good tissue development and purchased some smaller bras with good padding and was on my way to what I though should have been a healthy pair of boobs.

As I have said, after I discovered that I had breast cancer and was to lose one of them, I was back to square one and had to find something to compensate for the loss. So I went to a medical fitter and purchased a higher quality of DD silicone breast forms, which I was assured that they would be great for my body size. Those breasts really got me a lot of second looks from people, especially when I slung them on that first morning to great the world; and for the next two years. My medical insurance would have pain for their replacement this year, however, I found a plastic surgeon who agreed to do the reconstruction; I believe I am the first transwoman to ask him to do something for them.

So, according to the schedule of appointment, it will take about three months from tissue expander to replacing them with the final breast implants; which meant that again, I was back to square one trying to figure out what to do with my breast. I decided to shelve the other ‘girls’ and go back to my padded bras after my initial consultant for the breast reconstruction. I like the small padded bras because there was some shape and form to them without using stuffing material. And it would get people use to the idea that something was going to change. After a week of wearing just the padded bra, I’m not sure if people perceived the difference because no one said anything; which could just be politeness on their part. But now, since the first surgery I have not worn any bra and I have noticed people’s non-reactions, as if they still perceive me to be female without the appearance of breasts (my perceptions); if they noticed a difference , or they maintained their perceptions that I am still the female that I have presented myself to be.

Then what are the recognizable characteristics of being female?

No comments: