Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Shunned? Who is the Real Loser

There is a Sociology Professor at the local University who makes documentaries about people he feels can offer a different viewpoint. He has been taping conversations with the both of us about my transition, how I might feel about losing, say male privileges or the fact that I developed breast cancer and how that has affected my efforts in becoming a woman. I gave him a list of people I thought would be great to talk to and have their thought recorded, but alas, most of those I cited have declined to be interviewed. All of my family members and my one sister, who lives in the same town, have refused to talk to the Professor on record. It is not news to me as I have seen a change in the one sister’s attitude towards Kay and me. I do not really know about how my others sisters feel about me since my nephew’s wedding when I saw two other sisters. Oh Kay and I talked a few minutes to my youngest sister, but no other greeting except ‘hello’ from the third sister. And my oldest sister freaked out when I sent a renewed birth announcement card; she was worried as to how she would explain this situation on her National Security Clearance Documents! And my brother, he was Ok with everything, even sending flowers when I had my breast cancer surgery. But he lost it when I told him that Kay and I were married; that I was now a lesbian, if you will. I get occasional emails of what his large family is doing and about his vacation cruises.

I expected that some family members would choose to avoid me after my transition, but I feel that some have decided not to maintain contact with me in order to avoid alienating other members of the family; well that is the reason my sister gave the video maker. My sister that lives in town has taken it upon herself to take care of our mother, which she can very easily do, because she lives just across the street. I am beginning to notice that she avoid any further contact with me since her son’s wedding and has taken control by monitoring mother’s outside contacts, especially Kay and me; although Mother seems to like our company.

I must say that there is so much more to my life now that I am living out in the open and do not have to hide my secrets behind walls; there was not much to my life when I was in my first marriage as all of our casual contacts were her friends or relatives. But as they say you really know who your friends are when you do something like getting divorced or say transition! When it came time to transition I thought I would move to a different town to get a fresh start; I now know that that would have been equivalent to social suicide for me and might have ended in a bad way. I chose to stay in the same town; one, for lack of money, and two, because I was deeply connected to my church, the college and the local choral society. And three, I found a soul connection within Kay and fell in love with her; so I couldn’t really leave, now could I.

Being shunned by one’s family is very sad, but choosing to withdraw from all contact with your parent or brother, now Sister, is even more sad because it shows me that you do not want to be inclusive or embrace those of us who has shown a courageous level personal peace.

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