Hearing that elusive voice
This is from Lindsey’s post that to hear God’s voice gives us direction in our lives; that he stands with us and wants us to spread the Word.
Do just some people have this moment when they are called by God because he has a task for them? Do many people get their moment with God when they have been beaten down? Do people know how to listen and hear his voice over the din of noise blasting around them? Do you need a quiet place to hear God talking with you?
It took years of stumbling and praying before my moment of God’s acknowledgment of my struggle and hearing his assurances that everything would be OK; that he loved me.
I tried many times to lay all my fears at the foot of the Cross, with the good intentions to turning everything over to him. Of the Many times that I attempted to turn over all my troubles I was juggling; in the back on my mind was always some small fractured truth that I didn’t really trust myself, didn’t really believe that it would work. Maybe a little bit of fear that he would answer my prayers in some other convoluted way. And so I would always come away from that ‘giving up’ moment knowing that I couldn't really give up these feelings.
My ‘burning bush’ moment happened one Sunday evening during one of the study lessons of the ‘Alpha Program’ a course designed by Nicky Gumbel to facilitate group discussions and ask real questions about Christianity. Anyway we were watching the lesson video for the evening and being a little tired, I sort of dozed off for a few minutes.
The rest of the story was that my ex’s mother had passed away just a few weeks earlier and I wasn’t asked to join the family at her passing; but I did attend the family viewing and memorial services the next day. Well I had been dozing for just a few moments when Faye, my ex’s mother, appeared in my half conscience dream and told me that she loved me and that everything would be alright. As she started to move toward me I felt her give me a gentle kiss on the cheek; at the same instant Faye’s face changed into that of a man’s face with long hair and a good beard. There was such a feeling of peace and calm that charged through my whole being, that I was almost certain of a strong heavenly vision had just overcame me.
That was the moment of God revealing his elusive voice that showed my path in life was to live as transgendered. It is to educate and meet people and let them know we are all God’s chosen children and to share his love to everyone, foes as well as the people we must still meet. I have not heard such a strong and loud voice since that wonderful night, but I have felt His hand or some guiding force protecting my life several time; the last almost tragic moment was the day before my surgery and while we were in our car and making a turn, another car came within a foot of slamming into the drivers side; now that must be the hand of God watching over us, protecting us, giving us life to do his work in spreading the good news that to be gay or transgendered is also to be one of his own.