Saturday, September 27, 2008

Second Wedding Anniversary

As our second wedding anniversary shines brightly on the horizon, and is less than two months away. I am looking forward to the rest of my life and with whatever joy and laughter emerge as I get to share them with my love, my Kay. Change is always good and exciting and wonderful. Having someone who truly enjoys the same activities and interests is so gratifying, that sometimes it just seems so surreal. I have been truly happy for these two beautiful years, getting to share my love for music and the arts; having the laughter of children filling the sadness that had accumulated during the somber years before my first marriage ended. Being asked to be God Mothers to a beautiful child is mine and Kay’s greatest and most precious moment for us as the Two Ladies of the Church.
I have, with some difficulties, accepted the unexpected from Kay, of needing to go ‘adventuring’ if you will. Just take a drive, no place particular in her mind, but in an attempt to keep some sense of control, I will immediately think of a place in whatever direction we begin our little drive. We always have load of surprises when we just go! We discover wonderful sights, meet interesting people, talk about what is or isn’t on our minds at the moment; just enjoying the opportunity to get out into the country. I never know where and how we will go but I am beginning to love the ‘unknowing’ part of the journey. Love can be shared in many different ways and forms and marriage is the joining of two hearts into one. And ours combined and linked hearts let us share and spread the love God has given to us to all, who accept us or turn away from us.
My first marriage happened very quickly, we were reacquainted on her birthday in January, and by mid February we thought our relationship had progressed and we announced our engagement with the wedding to be in August the same year. Maybe it was a little quick, I had just been discharged from my first Army enlistment, and I was anxious to take the next step. It was years filled with schooling, moving, reenlisting and being relocated for the interest of the US Army. During those years we had three children and were involved in helping them expand their interests. Since we lived in Germany we were able to travel and experience a lot of music, and art and culture, architecture in old building and churches and Roman ruins, not possible to see or find in the US. But our family unity began to break down and we sort of went our separate ways; you could call it dysfunctional if you will. A lot of the tension between my wife and I and the children as they grew older; they recognized and reacted to the family ‘secret’ of learning who I was.
How do you adequately explain to your children your desire to transition to a woman; when you yourself don’t know how to explain it; and I never gotten any help from the psychologist or counselors that I talked with before I met with Dr. Martha. I was stumbling blind when it came to discussing my ethereal feelings with my children and for that I am very sorry, and hope that one day they will understand and forgive me. I can’t ask them to openly accept me, but if they could say they understand the reasons for all the anger and hurt that I have caused them; then I would be a most grateful and humbled parent to give them the same love that we give to the children that fill our house with such joy and laughter and acceptance.

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